“While seven of my children passed away, I was nowhere to be found.”
“Jack—“
“And because I’m an idiot, instead of realizing I ruined the best thing that’s ever happened to me, I’ve been pressing, pushing, and acting like I still have some sort of chance here.”
I swallowed, tears coming to my eyes. I didn’t mean to hurt him with the scrapbook. “It’s okay?—“
“Don’t. It’s not okay.” He shook his head, almost angry. “I have zero expectations for you to ever forgive me, so I’m not even gonna ask. But I just need you to know how sorry I am.”
I reached out to touch his arm and he stepped back. He said, “Don’t do that. I know what you do. You’re going to have compassion on me because that’s who you are. It’s obviously not who I am… And you deserve a lot better. So, I am going to stop forcing myself on you and be the best possible dad I can be for Kacey. Because I love him. And I love you, but if you don’t believe that…” His voice broke. “I—I get it.”
He went on and I wished he wouldn’t. My heart was breaking for him. “I—neglected the most tender part of who you are and left you the exact same way all the other people in your life did.”
A sound, something reminiscent to a cry came from him, but he wrestled it down. “It took that scrapbook for me to realize I would have an eight-year-old if things hadn’t happened the way they did.”
He ran his hands over his head again, his sigh filling the silence once more. “I’m sorry, Miranda.”
He took a quick step forward, wrapped his hand aroundthe back of my head, and pressed a gentle kiss, damp with tears, to my forehead.
“Jack, you?—“
He shushed me and whispered against my head, “Shhh. Stop.”
Then he left.
FIFTY-SIX
Jack
To say he wore me out was an understatement. Kacey ran circles around me. It was my day off and he’d gotten it into his head that I needed to take him to a trampoline park he saw on a commercial. We went after his naptime and jumped until we dropped. Then I pounded down dinner at a restaurant like I was a teenager again. So did Kacey. Had to buy the kid another container of nuggets.
Miranda spent the afternoon out. Running errands, getting some work done.
Before we’d scattered for the day’s activities, we had a hurried video chat with John Haskins and digitally signed trust documents. We officially owned a two-plus million dollar mansion. Felt surreal.
I had a hard time keeping my chin up that day. The previous night had done a number on my emotions. Felt pretty embarrassed. Other than our quick chat with John, I hadn’t even seen Miranda to gauge how well she took my late-nightdisplay in the hallway. Even our morning coffee didn’t overlap because she and Kacey had rushed out early to accompany Richard on a Lowe’s trip. Which meant I spent the first half of the day fretting and trying to find something to do.
Maybe Miranda was avoiding me—wouldn’t really blame her for that.
Now, as I drove home from the trampoline park, Kacey fought to stay awake in the backseat. But he needed a bath before bedtime. Really bad. On the last minute stretch of the drive, I reached into the back seat and squeezed his knee. “Come on buddy, hang on. We’re almost there.”
His head lolled to the side and his little mouth fell open.
“We have to get you in the bath…”
My words tapered off as I turned onto our street. Emergency vehicles lined the road in front of our house. A cop car, a firetruck, an ambulance. As I got closer, I realized. They weren’t at our house. They were at Richard’s.
I took the fastest shower I ever had in my life then paced the living room, my heart feeling like lead. The vehicles had cleared out, which I was glad about for Miranda’s sake. I’d skipped Kacey’s bath time and just stuck him onto my bed for the time being. I didn’t want to wake him, because…well, tonight wouldn’t be the right night for bedtime troubles. Sleeping sweaty wouldn’t kill him.
The task before me loomed large, overwhelming. Doing this kind of thing on the job sucked. Usually equated to a very bad day in my book. But this time, it would be my wife. And she was through and through a lover. Miranda didn’t give pieces of her heart. She gave it all. She loved hard, loved deep.
And she gave Richard her heart. In totality.
I was about to wreck her.
My stomach twisted and lurched, the chicken and fries feeling heavy. Every time I turned on my heel, I’d glance at the window, wondering when I would see her headlights flash through the drawn blinds.
But finally, they did. I took a steadying breath. I shouldn’t overwhelm her as soon as she walked in. We’d talk for a few minutes then I’d tell her.
