Reality flashed before me like a blinding light I was forced to stare into. This marriage would end just like the first had.
And it was all because of me.
Miranda would walk away from an insensitive piece of garbage, and I’d give her my blessing.
She deserved better.
Far, far better.
FIFTY-FOUR
Jack
My wet t-shirt clung to my back. I was pretty disgusting because I’d run about four miles. I hadn’t meant to. But after Miranda left my room, I abandoned my salad on the nightstand and ran hard. Probably would’ve demolished a wall if I hadn’t. Miranda watched me go out the front door. I didn’t miss the flicker of fear in her eyes.
I pushed past my normal speeds. I puffed out my breath, closing in on the baseball fields and playground about five blocks up from our house.
Indecision crouched in on me. I needed to talk to someone, but it was getting late. I slowed my pace as I ran into the park’s lot. Jules would listen. I unclipped my phone from my shorts and almost jammed my finger hitting pause on the dumb song playing in my headphones. I needed silence. Needed to think through the awful feeling pressing into my chest. I couldn’t remember ever feeling this way. I couldn’t put my finger on exactly what it was. There was regret…and something else. Something worse. Something causing my breath to shallow and my throat to constrict.
I paced the lot, battling the thoughts in my head.
After my breathing had slowed, I sent Jules a text:You up?
It took about fifteen seconds for my phone to start ringing.
“Hey, sis.”
“Jack, what’s wrong?”
I snorted. Backing out of the impending conversation wasn’t an option. That ship sailed as soon as I pressed send.
“I’m sorry to bother you. Know you’re probably busy.”
“No, Pat and I are just chilling on the couch right now. There’s something going on for you to text me past nine o’clock.”
I sighed. “Yeah—yeah, I guess so.”
“You’re scaring me.”
“It’s nothing like that. I just—did Pat tell you about the conversation we had?” If there was a way to avoid telling her the gritty details, that’d be great.
“No. He was so annoying and didn’t tell me a thing.”
Of course.
I sighed. Where would I even start? I dropped to sit on a park bench and propped my elbows on my knees. Jules and I had developed a much stronger relationship the past few years, but it was still hard talking. To anyone.
Words pressurized in my chest as I toyed with saying them or not. The reluctance was so strong, I squirmed in indecision. But finally words leaked out, slow and painful. “I really need someone to talk to. I’m not sure why it’s so hard for me to be open. There’s a lot I’ve never told you about Miranda and I.”
“Oh, no.”
“Yeah.”
“Is it bad?”
“Humiliating, Jules.”
“I’m here. You know you don’t need a filter with me. I won’t say anything until you’re done.”
