What would it be like to reciprocate? To put all my vulnerabilities up on full display? To give the only man I’d ever loved another chance? I loved him so deeply it pained me. But I’d done my best to ignore and hide the truth. Because if I put it out there—what then?
He brought his mouth to mine once more, prodding me open so he could fully kiss me. He didn’t have to ask me to kiss him back. Because he—his arms, his voice, his heart—was home. He always had been. I fell limp under his touch, my arms and legs paralyzed. Useful for nothing else but to remind me he wasn’t a dream. To remind me the warm dock still pressed into my back.
Even as my brain dredged up the million same old reasons I should hold my ground, my spirit gave way, crumbling under his bold tenderness. Every woman has her breaking point, andhere—with Jack pressing me down, kissing me, confessing his love—was mine.
My numb fingers woke up, finding purchase on his chest. I pushed him gently as the truth escaped, barely audible, against his lips. “I love you too.”
He stilled, pulling his head back to search my eyes. His brows knit, surprised by my admission. A moment of silence passed as we stared straight into each other. The moment full, tense. No more hiding behind empty words. Jack’s throat bobbed as he finally released my other wrist. His voice was serious and intense. “Then why do you still want to leave?”
My voice shook. “Because I’m afraid.”
“We have the chance to take our marriage back. Make it be what we always wanted.”
“What if we break all over again? I won’t be able to handle it, Jack.”
“But if we don’t—we’ll be together for ourson. We can have everything.” Jack shifted his weight onto one arm so he could bring a hand up. He pushed his fingers into my hair, squeezed, and dropped his lips to my forehead. I tried to ignore the goosebumps racing down my arms. “If we get divorced again, you’re going to eventually realize it was the biggest mistake of your life.”
I wanted to be brave enough.
“Listen, I am willing to dowhateverI have to do to be good enough for you.” He pressed a chaste kiss to my lips. “I’ll be who you need this time.”
“Jack—”
“What can I do? I have to convince you to stay.”
“Trust me, Jack, it’s not that I don’t want to. I’m—I’m confused.” I ran my fingers through my hair, letting my arm flop down to the dock in frustration. “I don’t want toagree to something because I feel pressured. I just need some space, I guess. Space to figure out what I want.”
“But you—you do love me?” The hope filled lines in his brow made me want to burst into tears.
“I haven’t ever really stopped. I’ve been heartsick over you for four years.” My hands slipped up his arms and to his broad shoulders. “But I don’t know if I’ll be ready to take the chance again. You might get sick of waiting on me to make up my mind.”
His leg uncurled from mine, his chest collapsing with a sigh. “I’ll wait as long as it takes, Miranda. Aslongas it takes.” The intensity of his promise made me shiver. He did a full push-up. “And give you whatever you need.” Space—the thing I asked for—rushed between us, feeling cold and empty, defying the warmth of a June night.
FIFTY-TWO
Miranda
“Richard!” I called out as I stepped into his back yard during Kacey’s naptime.
“Well, hello there, young lady.”
“I need to talk.” I swiped my eye with the back of my hand.
He frowned in concern as I plopped in the opposite patio chair. “What’s wrong, child?”
He seemed tired. I hoped I wasn’t bothering him, but at the moment, I didn’t honestly care if I was. I needed someone.
“I was trying”—I sniffed—“to look up apartments for Kacey and I. Money should come within a week or so. I could leave. I could, but…” I allowed my words to trail off as I groped for an explanation that would do justice to how I felt.
Richard filled in, nodding slowly. “But you don’t want to.”
I covered my face with my hands. “I don’t knowwhatI want. I don’t knowwhyI’m so afraid.”
He adjusted, sitting back and offering his full attention.
I took a deep breath, reining in my racing thoughts. I’dbeen up all night reliving the conversation Jack and I had on the dock and replaying our steamy kiss like an addicting song on repeat.
“It sounds weird to say this, but Jack has always felt like—like home. Do you know what I’m talking about?”
