My life, come to think of it.
Fray became the best friend a guy could ask for. When he wasn’t pulling crazy hours, saving people’s lives, he was busy with Brady and his sister or kicked around with me. We started a workout routine at the complex’s gym, which was insane. In order to coordinate our schedules, I had to wake up early. Sometimesreallyearly. But Fray was chipper around the clock, and we would usher in the day, laughing.
Little Valiant was also a great pal. I was skeptical about the dog thing, but he truly added warmth and companionship to my life. Fray and Carl loved him too.
As loneliness receded into the background of my heart, something else was pushed to the forefront of Julia’s. Something I couldn’t put my finger on.
* * *
Fray leaned against the counter early one morning, sipping his coffee. He yawned, looking about ready to pass out from the night shift. I poured a mug too. Figured I might need a few cups of the stuff. I’d tossed and turned all night.
“Tough shift?”
“Not too bad. An accident and a couple house calls. Nothing real serious though.”
“That’s good.”
Fray stretched, yawned again, and started talking before his mouth fully closed. “Hey, wanted to ask you something. It was on my mind while I was doing paperwork. Is Jules okay? She seemed kind of weird the other night. Like—”
“Withdrawn?”
“Yeah. Distant.”
“I know.” I palmed the back of my neck. Had a crick in it from sleeping so badly.
“You noticed the other night, too?”
“I noticed weeks ago.”
“Weeks? That doesn’t sound good.” His tsk was muted by the lifted coffee mug. “Have you asked her about it?”
“I should’ve already. But we kind of have an unspoken agreement not to push each other to talk about heavy stuff.” I tested the coffee temperature. Burnt my tongue. “I think it’s about her late husband, Cameron. Or maybe something else.”
“Hasn’t he been gone for a while?”
“Three years.”
“Bro, you used the word ‘marriage’ at the gym last week, so you might want to pushjusta little.” He tipped his mug up, draining the last bit. “You guys love each other. You’ll figure it out.” He clapped me on the back and sauntered off to the shower.
Love each other?
The future had been on my mind a lot lately. Jules by my side made me a happy man. It was natural for me to be thinking of our future, wondering if we could go the distance. But could I honestly say I loved her? Fray said the words without batting an eye. Like common knowledge.
One thing I did know: I wouldn’t leave her. I imagined soldiers in combat possessing loyalty to the wounded in the same way I felt loyal to Jules. To leave her behind was base, vile. She was in the open water without a life preserver, and I couldn’t turn my back. The first night she sat in my truck, panicking, I knew she was drowning. Only needed to figure out what she was drowning in.
At certain places the Mississippi River can be stupid deceiving. It is moving so quietly you wonder if it’s moving at all. The surface is undisturbed and reflecting the blue sky. Looks like its inviting you out for a swim. But once you jump off the dock and into the brown water, you find out real quick there is a lot more going on than meets the eye. Below the surface there is a current. One that will send you yards downstream before you even realize you’re traveling.
Jules was like the Mississippi. A placid surface masking a current ripping below.
I leaned back against the counter, letting the coffee steam hit my face.
With Gracie, it wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows either. Life was hard at times. Our relationship was hard, and we were only in high school. But I would shoulder any burden she handed me. Whatever pain she was going through, I’d take that on too. I wanted to cheer her, strengthen her, and be her best confidant. I’d bend backwards to make her smile, fight off her darkness with my presence. I’d think of her when we weren’t together and treasure every moment we were.
Wasn’t that the exact same thing I was feeling for Jules?
The corners of my mouth pulled back in a smile.
I do love her.
