I rolled my eyes.
THIRTY
Patrick
I’m not sure how long it took to drag myself home. Lost track of time. Getting off the park bench to face the reality of the mess I’d made was one of the hardest things I’d ever done. I dreaded my very next steps, hating myself the whole way.
Storm clouds gathered on the horizon. There’d be rain in an hour or two.
Jules was reasonable. She wouldn’t have turned me away had I told her about my record from the start. I knew that. Problem was I didn’t know that a few weeks ago. Heck, I didn’t even want her around me in the beginning. But like a pest, she wouldn’t go away. Her magnetic personality made it easy to enjoy her company. And soon enough, worry she’d reject me clouded my judgment.
The truth was on the tip of my tongue at the park. But now that the opportunity had come and gone, no one in their right mind would believe such a claim.
If I got a do over, I’d tell her everything right there at the party instead of looking at the Hugo book. Her assuming I was a psychopath and flipping me the middle finger would have been easier to swallow. No harm, no foul. But now that our feelings—well, I suppose I can only speak for myself—my feelings were tangled up, the rejection was like a nail in my coffin.
I’d only just begun to entertain thoughts about a future with Jules. And I liked the way it looked all mapped out in my head. My mind’s eye was dreaming up something as special as what Mama and Daddy shared. Prison mixed with repeated periods of grief was the perfect storm. I was hungry in so many ways. Of all the heartaches my journey had supplied, nothing stung as bitterly as my burning desire for relationships. Friends, family, someone to love. The void gnawed at me night after night. My sleep always fitful, never refreshing.
Until Jules.
Her annoying persistence and determined care swept me out of my misery like a rushing river. I hated it at first because I thought I was the last person on God’s green earth to deserve it. But now, as I walked up the second flight of stairs to my apartment, I wondered if I could live without her persistence and care. Without Julia. Without family. Without a second chance at belonging to someone.
Solitude never felt worse.
The day’s emotional Everest was taking its toll on me. Talking to Mama and Daddy, going home, reading Gracie’s letter, everything Danny said, Sunny, and my time with Jules at the park: my body had been pumping adrenaline just to make it through. Numbness and bone deep exhaustion took its place. My feet seemed cemented into the concrete steps of the final flight.
Somehow, I made it inside. Pizza smell hung in the air. Brady, Fray’s nephew, was over his uncle’s shoulder. I don’t recall ever seeing someone try to burp a baby, but I assumed that was what Fray was doing. He paced back and forth, gently bouncing, gently patting the tiny little guy. Looked like a bug, even against Fray’s thin frame.
Fray turned on a socked foot and I caught a glimpse of Brady’s sleepy little eyes closing. Whirling around, I stuck my hand into the door jamb before it slammed. Close call.
Fray mouthed and motioned for me to wait and disappeared into his bedroom. Socializing was the last thing on my to-do list. But Fray had never been anything but kind to me. I’d also be dead without him, so I’m pretty sure I’m not wrong in saying I owed him one.
Valiant ran to greet me, his tail thumping against my legs. I wanted to greet him, but lacked the strength to bend down. I only whispered, “Hey, buddy.”
I collapsed on the couch. My muscles immediately sunk into the support of the cushions, and my head tipped back in fatigue. Val settled at my feet instead of his dog bed. I was nodding off when Fray entered the kitchen and pulled a sour from the fridge. “Oh man, he’s gotten harder to put to bed. Thanks for catching the door.”
I flashed him a silent thumbs up.
“You okay, bro? You look wiped.” He twisted the top of his beer. He knew not to offer me one and was always respectful. Unlike Carl who viewed sobriety as an unnecessary evil.
What I responded surprised me. Maybe my filter was shot from the stressful day. Maybe I was afraid of being alone. Or maybe the truth just needed to come out yet again. Mama, Daddy, Danny, Fray. Might as well tell the world now. If they hated me, they hated me.
“Jules found out I have a criminal record today, and she’s pretty upset about it.” I blew out a breath and rubbed my sternum. My broken ribs were healing by the day, but the slouching position made them ache. Or maybe my heart was hurting again. Couldn’t tell. I sat up and caught Fray’s expression.
The bottle was frozen mid-way to his face, his brows knit in confusion. “Wait, you have a criminal record?”
“Yep.”
“How did you get approved to live here?”
“Valdez built the complex and knows the property manager. Carl pulled some strings, I guess. I’m surprised Carl hasn’t mentioned it to you.”
Fray took a long swig and cleared his throat. “Uh, I’m almost afraid to ask, but what’d you do?”
I inhaled, ready to spill my guts when someone knocked on the door. Fray bounced up. Inwardly, I hoped it was someone to see him, so I could head to bed. Moving off the couch would be quite the feat in and of itself.
The voice was no friend of Fray’s.
My heart slammed in my chest, and I sat forward to get a better view of the door. Julia stood there wearing the same blue dress, soaking wet from the rain. I jumped to my feet and came into her line of view. Fray ducked away. Val rushed to greet her.
