She waved her hand like it was no big deal. “I got in an accident kayaking.”
I thought it was cool she was into stuff like kayaking.
They laid out some snacks and launched into asking me about school, tests, and spring soccer like nothing was wrong. I went with the flow, answering their questions and waiting for them to bring up the parent thing.
But they didn’t bring it up. I was confused. Were we here to just catch up?
I interrupted the conversation when I couldn’t stand waiting any longer. “Aren’t you here to talk to me about why I don’t want to move to Pleasant Gap?”
Pat and Jules exchanged glances with each other. Pat was the one who answered, “Not unless it’s something you want to talk about.”
I blinked. That wasn’t what I expected at all.
“We know you probably have your reasons, Sunny,” Jules said.
“And if you want to talk about them, we are all ears, but if you don’t, it’s okay.” Pat sat forward and added, “Only thing that matters to us is you know you are loved and wanted. If you want me to get rights, we are going to do everything we can to get you home as soon as possible. But if you don’t want that, know when you age out, you’ll have a place to call home. We’ll be there for you.”
Home.
Family with no strings attached?
I was so confused, I couldn’t figure out what to say. “Why?”
“Because we love you.”
“No, I mean, why are you okay with me saying no? I thought you were going to be angry.”
Jules looked at Pat and squeezed his hand. “This process doesn’t have to go exactly our way in order to love you.”
“We are going to be there for you. Regardless of what you choose to do.”
I hated the tears. They were coming, but seeing my dad cry so often made me feel a little bit better about the few that escaped.
I swiped at them. “I’m sorry.”
“For what, sweetie?”
“There’s nothing to apologize for.”
I shrugged. I felt stupid. Why was I crying?
I cleared my throat. “Family has never worked out for me. Kind of think it would be better to age out. There’s always APPLA.”
Pat nodded slowly. His eyes were sensitive as he watched me. “Is that what you want?”
I shrugged. Couldn’t talk.
“You’ve had a rough road, Sunny. That’s my fault.” He pressed his lips together. I looked past him and studied the pile of toys in the corner. Anything but his face. “Jules and I both have hurts. You do too. I’m not trying to convince you, but please know that you—your hurts, your past, your problems—are good enough for us. The way you are, right now.”
“People usually start off feeling that way, then change their minds.”
I looked down; the tears were not stopping anytime soon. The couch cushion next to me moved. My dad sat there and put his hand on my shoulder. “Sunny, I’m so sorry you had to go through all this. I don’t know the families you have lived with. Can’t speak for them. But I can speak for me and Jules though. We will not be changing our minds.”
I shook my head. “I don’t feel like I deserve all that. Family, love, and stuff.”
Jules spoke this time. I’d never seen her get emotional, but her eyes got teary and she swallowed hard in order to speak. “I struggle with those feelings too.” She pushed her hands under her thighs and opened her mouth a couple seconds before any words actually came out. “I sometimes wonder if any of us deserve those things, but magic happens when—when someone offers them anyway.” She smiled, and her brow furrowed as she worked hard not to cry. Pat had gotten all teary-eyed. She glanced at him, and I got the feeling there was a lot more to what she was saying.
But my dad quickly cleared his throat, squeezing my shoulders in a side hug. He looked at the clock. “It’s time for us to go, but spend some time thinking about it, okay?”
