“Oh no.”
“Yeah.”
“Pat, I’m so sorry.” Tears filled my vision.
No wonder he looked ill. I left him all alone. Lifeless images of him popped into my brain uninvited. Pat had been through so much, and I’d made his life harder. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I should’ve been there for him. A tear escaped.
His hand came to my face. I caught it and kissed his palm.
My voice was shaking. I didn’t know if I’d make it through the next few minutes without melting into a puddle of tears, but lots of things had gone unsaid for far too long.
“Pat, how can you ever forgi—”
A nurse bustled in. “I see you’re awake. We need to check your vitals.”
Pat moved his chair out of the way while a nurse observed me, checked a wound, and adjusted the flow of my IV. He only took his gaze off my face long enough to send a text. The look of longing in his eyes wrecked me.
After a million years, she left. Pat moved his chair back, grabbed my hand again. “How are you feel—”
“Stop. I have stuff I need to say right now.”
“Ah, okay.”
“Pat, I don’t deserve forgiveness, but I’m asking for it anyway.” I swallowed, determined to get through. Squeezed his hand for support. “That night at my apartment, I said things I didn’t mean. I’ve missed you so much, it hurts. I cry myself to sleep every night. And I’m not thinking of Cameron. I’m thinking of you.”
I had his full attention.
“I was drowning in the creek. You know how long I’ve wanted to die?”
He nodded. Pat understood despair like few can.
“But, as I was realizing, ‘this is it, I’m finally going to die,’ I couldn’t stop thinking of you and Sunny. Of the three of us together. I comprehended how stupid I was for giving up my chance to live with a man I love.”
Pat leaned his head down and wiped his face against the blanket.
“My guilt has made me do a lot of dangerous and stupid stuff. Like walk out when you were trying to propose. I left your house that night because I thought you would be better off without me. I don’t know how to live with myself and all I’ve done, but I want to try.”
He squeezed my hands. “Can I say something?”
I nodded.
“A while back I visited Mama and Daddy’s graves. I don’t know if Mama ever knew the truth about everything that happened. She died alone with a broken heart. Nothing I can do will change that.” He sniffed. “Finally letting the truth come out was the right thing to do. It was a little awkward talking to headstones. I’m not even sure I believe loved ones can still hear us, but it helped me. A lot more than I thought it would.”
Jack’s admonition from months ago rang through my mind.
“You need to go visit him.”
Not one single time had I been to Cameron’s grave. My voice quaked at the thought of it. “Will you go with me?”
“Of course.”
“Pat?”
His hazel eyes bore into mine. I loved him so much. My heart was thrashing.
“I said I only love Cameron, but that wasn’t true. Not at all.” I took a shuddering breath, fighting to hold my composure.
He whispered, “I knew that.”
