“Like what?”
“Like the walking dead.”
The days-old stubble on my chin had officially turned into a beard. I scratched at it, wishing I didn’t have to talk about this. “Just been working a lot.”
“You’ve been busy on purpose.”
“Yeah, I reckon.”
“You look depressed.”
Maybe I was. Didn’t respond to the observation. Meds must not be working.
“I’m sorry about Sunny, man. That’s just…it sucks.”
“It’s alright. I’m getting used to the idea.”Lies.
We pulled into the complex. Conflict stirred within me. Anticipation jumpstarted my heart. Would I see Jules? Maybe I’d catch a glimpse of her running into her building from the car. Was she working? I didn’t even know what day it was.
On the other hand, seeing even a glimpse of her would hurt so bad, I didn’t know if I’d survive it. When I came to the turning point, I opted to take the straight shot to building fifteen. It’d give me a full view of her front door and parking spot. I guess I was a glutton for punishment.
Her Altima was parked out front in its usual spot.
She’s home.
My heart started hammering. What I wouldn’t give to see her…
I kept the gas depressed, doing my duty of getting Fray and Brady home. The rain was starting to taper off as we carried the baby seat and diaper bag up the apartment steps. Fray immediately made little Brady a bottle, and I fetched him out of the car seat.
“Hey there, big guy. Remember me?” He was frowning.
I wasn’t real good at holding a baby, so I set him down on the couch and played with his feet. Jules was so good with Brady. All kids actually. I remembered the day we stopped to help the babysitter on the side of the road. The baby had jumped into Jules’ arms. She looked so beautiful, holding a baby, smiling. Looked happy.
I sighed, the weight on my chest threatening to crush me for good.
Fray came and scooped up Brady, who latched onto his bottle like a ravenous beast. “You could go knock on her door, you know.”
I had grease smears on my coat, an almost full beard, and I was so tired I couldn’t stand straight. “You said I look like the walking dead.”
“That won’t matter.”
“Pretty sure she doesn’t want to see me.”
“Try anyway.”
I glanced out the window. Rain had stopped. Maybe Fray was right. It wasn’t like I could hurt any worse than I already was.
FIFTY-ONE
Julia
The wind had let up enough for me to tie my kayak onto the car. I carried it out there on my shoulder and was sliding it onto the roof when someone approached my vehicle.
I turned and almost got the breath knocked out of my lungs. Pat stood there. His hands were buried in his coat pockets, and he had a beanie pulled low over his forehead. His hair was sticking out around the edges, and he had an actual beard. He looked exhausted and, like, alotthinner.
The sight of him was a stab to my heart. He looked awful. Why? Was it because of me?
“Hey.”
