I’d said it.
He’d said it. And he had made it clear last time that the idea of anything more freaked him out. So much so that he’d nearly pushed me out the door right after saying something sweet.
He’d apologized for it, and I was trying to give him what I thought he needed, which was space.
I was supposed to be going over lines, making sure I had memorized everything for next week’s rehearsals. Instead, I sat on my bed, feet tucked under me as I stared blankly at the pages, thinking about whether I should reply to the text Ben had sent hours ago.
I wanted to put down my script and call him to hang out. I wanted to drink a beer with him, to tell him about my week and listen to him tell me about his. It scared me how much I wanted that. Not just the sex, but his friendship, too.
If I had a heart of steel, I’d pick up the phone.
But I didn’t.
Behind the walls I’d built around my heart, it was fragile as glass. If I allowed myself to consider falling for Ben, I was convinced eventually my heart would shatter. So, I shoved all those potential feelings into a metaphorical box, promising myself I wouldn’t think about them.
Brian peeked his head inside my room. “Hey, what are you doing tonight?”
I perked up at the thought of hanging out with Brian and David tonight. Drowning myself in scripts and music scores wouldn’t keep my mind off Ben forever.
“Nothing.” I tossed my script to the other side of the bed. “Whatever you had in mind, I’m in. I need a break.”
He smiled at me while he typed something into his phone. “I’m sure Ben will be excited to hear it.”
“Ben? What do you meanBen?” I asked.
“He texted me asking if you were busy tonight. He said he asked you, but you never answered, and he needed to know about the reservation.”
That little sneak.
“Oh. Are you coming?” I asked, voice tinged with hope. I needed an emotional buffer.
At some point between getting devoured on his kitchen counter and washing the breakfast dishes, I’d realized that Ben would be so easy to fall for. So easy it would feel more like floating than falling. Floating in the calm ocean with the salty sea breeze lapping against my skin. But when Ben was ready to move on to the next thing with two legs, I’d still be stuck floating out in the middle of a desolate sea, lonely and empty.
He shook his head. “I’m on night shift tonight.”
My face fell.
“But feel free to use the apartment.” He gave me an exaggerated wink. “I’ll let Ben know you’ll be here waiting for him.”
“Wait, no! Tell him I’m busy. I have to do the laundry. My pet goldfish died. I have to shampoo my hair. Anything,” I begged.
He turned around, avoiding my pleading gaze. “I already told him you were free.”
“Some friend you are!”
“You’ll thank me when you’re getting dicked down by that tall drink of water later,” he said, laughing as he shut my door.
“Traitor!” I shouted at his muffled laughter.
I guess I had a datewith Ben tonight.
Ready or not.
Viva la Vaudeville
Ben
Eve: Seriously? You texted Brian to find out what I was doing tonight?
