How did I always find these assholes? I really knew how to pick them. Was chivalry completely dead? Men didn’t even pretend they wanted to spend any time at all with you outside of the—I looked at the clock on my nightstand—ten minutes they spent in bed.
“Okay, I’ll see you later,” I mumbled as he turned and walked out my bedroom door.
If he didn’t call me, he would find out how unpleasant I could be.
I hadn’t expected him to stay the night or anything. We weren’t a couple. But bolting within 30 seconds of banging me?
That was selfish dickhole behavior.
I groaned, rolling out of bed and slipping into my matching lace-trimmed cami and striped pajama shorts before heading for the bathroom. I sulked into the hallway, almost colliding with Brian on his way out.
Brian came to live with me shortly after my friend and former roommate, Olivia, had moved in with her fiancé, Jack.
Cohabitating saved us both money on rent. I couldn’t afford to pay for this place on my own. Brian’s presence allowed me to avoid asking my parents for rent money each month, eliminating some of their disappointment in my life choices. It also allowed Brian to leave his position at the coffee shop and had the added benefit of being nearer to Brian’s new job as an RN at the hospital. It was a win-win.
“Did I hear your date leave a second ago?” he asked.
“Yeah,” I answered with a glare, daring him to make the snarky remark I knew he had waiting in his arsenal. He saw us stumbling in here less than an hour ago.
“I assume the laser beams you’re shooting out of your eyes right now mean that a comment about the smash and dash is unwelcome.”
I slammed the bathroom door in his face so I could do my business without his stupid, self-righteous looks. I washed my hands and threw my hair up in a ponytail before stomping off to the kitchen to find something besides sex to unwind me. A glass of wine would have to do.
“I hate men,” I said, pulling a bottle off the rack on the counter while Brian eyed me from across the room.
“Hey! What did I do?” he asked, following me into our tiny kitchen.
“You were born with a penis.” I gave him a withering look as I reached into the overflowing utensil drawer.
“Well, I didn’t have a choice in that matter. I like to think I’m more evolved than most of the male species. For instance, I always tell my dates when I plan to pound and bound.”
Brian grabbed the wine bottle from me and held out his hand for the corkscrew.
I handed it over, leaning against the counter with my arms crossed. “I wasn’t expecting him to stay the night. It’s not like we’re a couple or anything. But for fuck’s sake, he orgasmed and 60 seconds later he’s out my door.”
“You’re saying he came, and he went?” he asked, lips quirking in barely contained mirth.
“It’s not funny,” I whined.
“He’s an asshole.” Brian shook his head in disdain. “Cute, though,” he tagged on as an afterthought.
“Yeah. He’s cute alright,” I muttered.
“Does that mean he at least got you off before he left?” he questioned, cocking a brow at me as he turned the corkscrew.
Brian and I were close. We talked about pretty much everything, so he knew I hadn’t gotten off without the help of my battery-operated friends in the past two years. I hadn’t had a serious boyfriend in ages and none of the guys I brought home had been able to get the job done.
“I wish,” I said. “I’m cursed.”
His lip twitched. “Ah yes, the bad sex hex. I’ve seen it a hundred times.”
I let my irritation fade and the sides of my mouth tugged up in a grin. “You think I’m joking, but myabuelitaknew of a curse for everything. I’m sure if she were still alive, she could tell me exactly what to do to counteract a bad sex hex. I need some sage or something.”
“Sure. Sage the apartment, but in the meantime, you really need to let me pick your next fling. I can spot a guy that’s great in the sack from a mile away.”
“Because the boyfriends you’ve chosen for yourself have been so great?” I shot him a deadpan stare.
His last two boyfriends cheated on him within a few months of being together. Brian had been juggling his CNA job, working at the coffee shop, and college courses for the past few years. His life had finally slowed down since graduating with his bachelor’s degree in nursing. For now, at least.
