Aimilia had saved his life.
She hadn’t meant what she’d said.
Maybe he didn’t have to mean what he said either.
Finally, she pulled her gaze away, falling into step with Gavril with the same ease they always had. Nikias’ mother was at his side, and distantly he heard her screaming for a healer as Gavril and Aimilia began exchanging words.
Nikias still could not pull his gaze away from her as she walked away from him.
What if there was still something left to live for?
If there was, did Nikias have any hope of being able to crawl out of the bloody depths he’d drowned himself in?
He had to.
Nikias would not be able to keep living without hope, and he was not being given a choice. He would live, whether he wanted to or not.
He wanted to. No matter what it took. No matter how hard the path ahead he would have to trek to begin to fix the mess he’d made.
Nikias wanted to live again.
Nikias had endured many things in his life. He’d thought before of the ways he would finally meet his end. In his darkest moments, coming far too close to relishing in such ideas.
But then he’d been spared that day Gavril issued the challenge.
Nikias had continued to live despite not deserving it. And now here he was.
He’d never expected his demise to be caused by sheer humiliation.
Or rather, he wished he would pass away from the embarrassment simply so he wouldn’t have to face the world.
Nikias would rather starve hiding away in his room than have to step out into the hallways and start to hear the whispers spread of what had happened last night.
“I am not marrying you. Not today. Not tomorrow. Not ever.”
How could he have gotten it so wrong?
Was he truly as delusional as Aimilia claimed?
How could his love have deceived him into believing she returned it so thoroughly when she hated him so?
If she hated him so…
Nikias didn’t understand anything anymore.
Aimilia hadn’t tried to save his life after all. She’d meant her words that day in the hallway.
“For the last three years, I have thought something I never dared voice, but I have never wished it more than I have in this moment… I wish you had gone in first. I wish the Desero demon had killed you instead.”
She probably still wanted him dead.
What exactly had Nikias kept living for then?
A knock sounded on his door for the third time that morning.
He stayed silent and perfectly still, head buried in his pillow. His mother was persistent, he would give her that, but he was not having this conversation with her. Not today, and not ever if he could help it.
He at least wanted to wait until he’d started to pick up the pieces of his heart Aimilia had left shattered in the courtyard.
