Aimilia didn’t love him.
How could he blame her?
The scar on his chest burned. But he also couldn’t just leave the necklace lying there. Nikias made it back to his room, not even bothering to change his clothes. He didn’t care that he was filthy.
He was so tired.
He was so tired of trying to change the future. He was so tired of trying to be anything but what he was.
Nikias had made such a mess of this from start to finish. He had been so close, but he just couldn’t get out of his own way. Or maybe this was simply what had been called fate to him once.
At some point he fell asleep, evidenced only by the fact that he woke up to harsh midday light. As he slowly pulled himself out of bed and started to clean himself up, the scar over his heart burned. Maybe it was true. Maybe it didn’t matter what he did. Aimilia hadn’t said it back.
Nikias paused as he pulled out a fresh chiton, catching a glimpse of himself in the mirror.
Inamatusstared back at him.
Nikias wouldn’t run from it any longer. He’d failed.
It had been proven beyond all doubt.
Nikias was simply unlovable.
Nikias saw her briefly, after he’d cleaned himself up and couldn’t ignore his hunger any longer. She spotted him the second he entered the dining hall, eyes going wide before filling with fury, and then she was gone, running away from him.
Of course she would.
She couldn’t be certain he wouldn’t try again. That he wouldn’t lie to her again. That he wouldn’t orchestrate everything according to his plans again.
He earned every scrap of hatred she had to feel for him. That brief glimpse of her, though had struck a chord in him.
He’d seen her look like that before. The memory of those days was vivid in his mind. The days that he’d been in love with Aimilia in painful silence and while Gavril broke her heart coming back with Marcella. He’d never seen Aimilia as distraught and devastated as then, until now.
He’d done that.
He couldn’t blame Gavril this time. Nikias was the source of her misery. And the scar on his chest burned even after Aimilia was long gone from his sight.
Nikias might be unlovable, and yet he loved Aimilia still.
Seeing her so miserable back then had been killing him. Watching her heart break over Gavril had stoked his jealousy into a raging fire that had been matched only by his grief and need for revenge.
And now it hadn’t mattered how much he had claimed he didn’t want to go to such a dark place again, he had.
Nikias had spent all night and all day thinking about it, but he saw only one path forward.
There was only one way to fix what he had done.
The necklaces sat heavy in Nikias’ pocket. He was going to have to let Aimilia go.
If Nikias truly loved her, he would give up his pursuit.
Her happiness mattered more to him than anything else. He could never be the one who made her happy. He would never be someone she could love.
Nikias had made his own fate, and it was time to accept it. Nikias was resolved, and nothing was going to shake him.He left the dining hall himself when he saw Turpis walk in, a dark, vengeful look in his eyes. Just looking at him had Nikias’ stomach turning with guilt and jealousy.
Nikias accepted Aimilia would never be his, but she at least deserved to be with someone she loved and who loved her back. That certainly wasn’t Turpis.
He hoped Aimilia would see that too.
