Aimilia shook her head and whispered, “I don’t know if I’m strong enough for that.”
Nikias’ grip tightened. “I’m not saying that’s your responsibility. You don’t have to worry about my will to live; that’s for me to carry. I just need you to know you helped me find it again. You wanted to know why, that… that’s why.”
He wanted to marry her because she meant something to him. To him she looked like a second chance.
No matter what he said, Aimilia didn’t know she was strong enough to live up to that. She didn’t know if she wanted to. She really didn’t know what to do with any of this. If this wasn’t about his ego, or logical choice, or even just that he’d known her for so long…
Aimilia was starting to run out of reasons to truly say no.
Chapter 38
NIKIAS
Nikias couldn’t believe that he’d managed to coax Aimilia back to sleep in his arms.
He’d woken up in the middle of the night, and as he’d looked down to see Aimilia, he also realized just beside her, underneath the blanket, was his scar. The panic had taken over as Aimilia’s voice from the vision filled his ears, and he’d woken her as he’d hidden the scar on his chest under an illusion.
She’d fallen silent after forcing him to explain why he was still determined to marry her and hadn’t resisted when he’d pulled her in again, needing her in his arms or else he feared what his nightmares would taunt him with now. The fresh images of Aimilia crying out in pain, the rubble trying to sweep them away…
How foolish he’d been to ever pretend to her like he didn’t need her.
As he woke again, he glanced down, and he saw nothing but smooth skin. He breathed easier and stayed still beneath Aimilia, her head resting on his shoulder.
Sunlight had just begun to filter through the canvas and he could see her better now than last night. The light struck herhair, in a braid that had been roughed up by the fight the day before and sleeping on it afterwards.
Just looking at the auburn strands had heat flooding his face, recalling how desperate he’d been when he’d first woken up to have her hands in his hair. The lingering pain and exhaustion had lowered his inhibitions, calling heramataand craving her gentleness so much he’d tried to ask for it, even if he hadn’t gotten the words out.
But greater than Nikias’ shame for his weakness was the fact that she’d given it.
Now as he stared at her and her hair, he was overwhelmed with the desire to do the same. Aimilia so rarely wore her hair loose, understandable since it was so long and rarely did the Runai women wear their hair loose, especially the nobility, but that only made Nikias crave the sight of it more.
He shifted his hand up, reaching the end of the braid and starting to roll the tie between his thumb and forefinger.
Was this what it would be like? If Aimilia married him, was this going to be his beautiful future? He’d imagined it, but to see it with his own eyes and to have her in his arms was sinking into him.
He was so close.
He hooked his finger on the tie and it loosened. Nikias pulled his finger back, instead sinking them into the little tuft of hair that peeked out below the braid.
His other arm around her waist tightened. He couldn’t let go.
Now that Nikias had seen a true vision of what his future could be, he could stop at nothing to make this a reality.
But he had to be careful.
Considering she’d been asking him why he even still wanted to marry her, she hadn’t put together what him calling heramatameant. Or maybe she just didn’t want to.
Which made sense, given their discussion before the ambush.
She was still focused on Faustina, and if he went too fast, Aimilia would go running in the other direction.
But he was closer than he ever had been before.
The night before wouldn’t have happened otherwise. She wouldn’t be sleeping in his arms otherwise.
Aimilia stirred briefly, and Nikias held his breath, stilling his hand against her back. She shifted her head, nestling in and curling in closer with a soft sweetness overtaking her expression. Nikias’ heart almost stopped.
He’d always hoped to have this, but it was always a dream just out of reach. But this was real.
