She cracked one eye open. “There was a note among my research telling me to go.”
She waited for his words to be false. She’d managed to find the end of his patience before, and if anything could provoke him to it again, it was this.
Instead…
“Why didn’t you tell me? Why did you go?”
If he was angry, he was doing a good job hiding it because all she heard was plain confusion.
“Because… part of me… In my letter to my aunt, I hid a secret message. I asked her to tell me what happened when the two of you first met. So… I hoped it would be her.”
She waited for the rage.
“I see.”
Where was it? Why now was he being so patient with her?
“I was fairly certain it wasn’t. I knew it could be a trap, and I thought I was clever enough to be able to get out of it anyway.”
“I see.”
Well, if he was angry, he was at least honorable enough to keep his word and save it all for the morning. Maybe she hadn’t been giving him enough credit this whole time.
“But even when I went early to try to trap them, they were already expecting me.”
“Why… Why didn’t you tell me? Do… Do you really think so little of me?”
She couldn’t stop the tears again. “And reveal to you how right you are to think as little of me as you already do? Show you that I’m not even the intelligent, capable alchemist you were after? Admit to you that I miss my aunt, that you despise, but she’s the closest thing I’ve had to a mother for most of my life? That I’m pathetic and homesick and that I was so desperate for there to be anyone left in the world who cares about me that I walked right into a trap?”
She was sobbing now, burying her head into the sheets until she was being pulled up into Taiyo’s arms as he leaned them against the headboard. He quickly undid her belt and tossed it to the side, then pulled her goggles and mask fully off her head and neck, throwing them to the side. Then he wrapped his arms around her, crushing her to himself, one hand curled around her waist and the other running up and down her back. Without her goggles and belt, she was able to sink into him, as much as she could as she was still fighting off some numbness but was mostly consumed with her sobs.
She curled her fingers into the back of his shirt when she managed to get her arms around him and buried her head against his chest. His heartbeat was almost sluggish in its loudness.
“I don’t think little of you. I never would have married you if I did.”
She hated how soft and warm she found his hands on her. She hated how much she wanted them to stay on her.
“And where would you ever get the idea one mistake makes you anything less than the most intelligent, capable, and dedicated alchemist? Do you think I would hold you in any less esteem because you miss having a mother? Do you truly believe there is no one who cares about you? Sunshine, look at me.”
His hand left her back to gently tilt her jaw up to look at him through her watery eyes.
“Let me make myself clear. I care about you.”
The word at the tip of her tongue was: why?
Why would he care about her? When he only knew her because he had been looking for a solution to his problem? Why care about anyone when he was dying?
But she said nothing in response.
His thumb brushed over her cheek. “And maybe one day you’ll believe me.”
She couldn’t bear to look at his expression, overflowing with emotions that fascinated her and horrified her all at the same time. So she just buried her head in his shoulder and hated herself for the pained, resigned sigh she got in response.
At some point she started dozing off and that was when Taiyo shifted her back to her original place, pulling back completely.
Hellebore finally had her full mobility back. She let out a disgruntled huff and quickly grabbed Taiyo, holding him in place so she could move back into his arms, resting her head on his chest. His arm looped around her waist again.
Hellebore didn’t want to examine why she would do such a thing.
