Surprisingly, there was no pressure in the question, no threat.It was a request only, but still it threw her into a panic that was hard to conceal.
“The meetings have not been of my choosing.He talked of his marriage.The girl has cried off and he thought it might have been my fault.”
“Was it?”
She was relieved to have a safe subject for the moment.“Yes.It was his fault for being such a toad, but I exposed him to the Derrys.I could not let him marry a young and innocent girl.”
“I agree.I doubt he is feeling well-disposed towards you.”
“No.But that’s no change.He has some new scheme in mind,” she added idly, twiddling with a quill from the desk.“Some new way to make his fortune.He even speaks of going abroad.”
“Do you know what his scheme is?”
“No.”Eleanor remembered Lionel saying she was a poor liar.This time she must convince.She looked up and met his eyes with what she hoped was a frank smile.
She saw from his face he was not deceived.
After a long silence he sighed.“I’m sorry, Eleanor.We’ve drifted far apart, haven’t we?You accused me a while ago of not trusting you.I fear it’s the other way about.I recognize it is entirely my fault.You have always acted irreproachably.I am very grateful for that.”
Something in his voice made her afraid—for him, not for herself.“Irreproachable sounds very cold, Nicholas.Too close to unapproachable, maybe.Is this farewell?”
He looked up quickly, eyes wide.“No!For heaven’s sake, Eleanor, don’t think that.I just wanted you to know you are not unappreciated.As for unapproachable,” he came over and took her hands, “you are certainly not that.”
Harshly he added, “You must know by now about Madame Bellaire.”
“Yes.”
“I was a fool to ever think I could keep it from you.”Her hands were abruptly released and he turned away.“You see then why I couldn’t come to you with professions of love.”
She could think of nothing to say.Her heart cried out,I would have been grateful for the pretense.
With his back to her he spoke again, his voice strained.“Eleanor, if this affair was over and I came to you, would you receive me and try to make something of our life together?”
Oh, my heart, need you ask?“I have never turned you away, Nicholas,” she replied calmly.
“But … No, that is unfair.”He went to lean against the window frame, staring out at the trees in full summer leaf, birds fluttering from branch to branch.“Tell me, Eleanor, if you could turn back the clock, would you rather none of this had ever happened?”
“No,” she said firmly to his tense back.“My life was so unpleasant that any change was for the better.Nicholas, what are you trying to say?”
He laughed then and turned.“Heaven knows.I’m sorry, my dear.It must be tiredness.I always seem to be coming to you without any sleep.”He crossed the room and took her hands to pull her to her feet.“You don’t dislike being kissed, do you?You see, I no longer even know that.”
Eleanor blushed and shook her head.What had suddenly broken through his detachment?And what should she do?Unpleasantly, the idea come to her that he might know what she had done and be attempting to woo her into supporting his mad plans.
She looked up at him.“I have been kissed so few times,” she remarked coolly.
She saw no dismay on his face at her hard tone, only genuine amusement.“Showing your claws?A deserved rebuke.But you are very kissable.”His lips brushed over hers lightly.
As her body and spirit responded to his flirtation, Eleanor felt frantic.“Are you drunk?”
“Must I be drunk to desire you?”he said with a twisted smile.“Perhaps I am lightheaded.”
Suddenly he pulled her close and his lips came down more strongly, soft and warm against hers.She felt one hand in her hair, holding her there, but she did not try to escape.She could not.Instinctively she opened to him and his tongue made magic, creating flickers of excitement that ran through her body.Then his lips moved to play against her neck.
“Eleanor, my dear,” he murmured.“What a mess this all is.”
She pushed back, bewildered.“What?”
Sherry brown eyes smiled down at her.“It’s a mess.Don’t worry about it, though.It will soon be over.”
