She considered this.“To Somerset?”
“Or you could go to Grattingley, if you would prefer that.”
She looked hard at him, trying to read his impassive countenance.Why on earth would he think she wanted to go there?Was he handing her over?“I would choose Somerset, I think.Would you be with me?”
“I would escort you, of course, but I’d have to return to town for a little longer.”
It was tempting to think of having him to herself for a long, slow journey into the West Country, and she thought it would do him good.But having him return here for heaven knows how long would be a heavy price to pay.
“I would like to leave town,” she replied.“But I would find it lonely.I know no one at the Somerset house.I’ll wait until you’re ready to go with me, I think.”She was quite pleased by the polite challenge this represented.He was not going to shuffle her off so easily.“Would it be a suitable place to have the child if we stay there?”
“I’ve only visited Redoaks twice.I’m told the local midwife is excellent, but it will be for you to say when you meet her.I want the best care for you, my dear.”
Eleanor acknowledged this with a polite smile, but her thoughts had taken another turn.She decided this was the best opportunity she was likely to have to raise a delicate subject.“I’m afraid this will seem rather morbid, Nicholas, but I have found myself wondering what would happen to me and the child if you were to die.”
He looked fully at her.“Do you fear to find yourself in poverty again?You and the child will be provided for in my will, independent of my brother.There will be an adequate inheritance for the baby, and you will have an income of your own.It should amount to some six thousand pounds a year.Kit will be a trustee for the child, that is all.I should have explained all this to you before.I’m sorry.”
Eleanor was overwhelmed both by the generosity of the settlement and by the fact that he had obviously given thought to the matter without prompting.
“I’m to be left in charge of my life then,” she said.“You show great faith in my ability to manage.”
He came over to rest his hands upon her shoulders.“I have great faith in you, Eleanor.”
She searched his face and saw honesty.“Then why do you not trust me?”
She sensed his withdrawal, though he did not move.“But I do.”
Having begun a confrontation of sorts she was determined to persist with it.“You don’t trust me enough to tell me what is wearing you down so.You avoid me.Perhaps,” she continued, summoning all her courage, “you don’t trust me not to do this…”
She pressed forward and raised her lips to gently touch his.She felt the air pass as he inhaled sharply.His hands tightened on her shoulders.
“Eleanor.”His lips moved against hers as he spoke.
She did not know whether the word was protest or plea, but she took strength from it.He was not indifferent.
Carelessly she let the books fall, and raised her hands to cradle his worn face, moving back a little so she could look at him.Oh, the pain in his eyes!
She spoke softly.“I don’t know what’s going on, my dear.I don’t understand anything except that I have nothing.Give me a little of yourself, Nicholas.”
He surrendered.
She saw it in his eyes a moment before his forehead came to rest against hers and his arms surrounded her.“Oh, Eleanor.Do not do this now.I can’t bear it.Give me just a little longer.”
She moved to lay her head upon his shoulder and held him tight.The warmth from his body and the spicy scent that was his alone seemed to surround her.What did he mean?She had begun in a selfish search for her own comfort, but now she wanted his.
After a while, as if struggling against a great force, he drew back a little.“Can you, Eleanor?Can you endure it just a little longer?”
“Can you not be a little kind to me, Nicholas?”she begged, not understanding, seeing only his need and knowing only her own.
He seemed to gather some reserve of strength.“Yes, of course I can,” he said with a genuine smile that didn’t quite relieve the pain in his eyes.“Why don’t we go for a drive?”
And so, in the summer sunshine, they drove through the streets and around Hyde Park, which still contained some of the buildings erected for the great celebrations and was still cluttered with stall and sideshows catering to those who came to gawk.
There were quieter areas, however, and they found them.They met few members of Society so late in the year.They talked of politics, in a light way, and of flowers and the weather.They laughed at the antics of children and animals.They admired the clean lines of the new buildings and the baroque details of the old.They discussed nothing personal, but for once he laid his social skills, his charm, and the treasures of his mind before her as a gift.Eleanor took the golden hours and stored them in her heart.
When at last he escorted her back into the house she looked at him for a moment, wishing to make some gesture to show how much she had received.The interlude had done him good too.She did not think she was deluding herself in that.
She contented herself with a light kiss on his cheek and let him go.
