“You are tired, aren’t you?”he said gently, smoothing a stray tendril of hair from her brow.“Come and be comfortable.”
Despite a slight resistance on her part, he arranged her comfortably resting against his shoulder.She told herself it would be peculiar to refuse such well-meant kindness.But already the magic was working again.Despite what she had learned she was succumbing to what appeared genuine concern and caring.She bleakly admitted she would probably accept any crumbs, if that was all there was to be had.
He did not bother her with conversation, just held her securely against the movement of the carriage.Eleanor remembered his strange speech at their own dinner about women who did not want to be wives or mothers.Was that Madame Bellaire?Did the woman prefer running a house of ill-repute to respectability?Had he wanted to marry her and been refused?The Frenchwoman must be close to ten years older than he.
Eleanor hated to think of Nicholas fawning on a woman like that and suddenly decided to fight this unnatural infatuation.I am his wife, she reminded herself.That gives me an advantage.I am carrying a child he will accept as his.
But could she compete with the fascinating Frenchwoman?She knew nothing of the sensual arts that were clearly at the other woman’s fingertips.Was lust the only way to bind a man?
If it was, she thought bleakly, how could she win?
When they reached Lauriston Street he said, “Come, we must get you to your bed.Do you wish a supper?”
The thought of bed linked with her previous thoughts and she looked at him.There was nothing lover-like or lustful in his face, just kindness.
“No, thank you,” she said.“I can manage perfectly.I am not exhausted, just a little weary of family scrutiny.”
“Well then,” he returned with a grin, “perhaps we should go out again.It is not yet midnight and we have cards for any number of events.”
“Which we have refused.”
He snapped his fingers.“Do you think they would turn us away?”
At times he seemed like a mischievous child, and she could not help but smile back.“I never implied I was so full of energy.I want my bed, but I can manage to find my way there alone.”
Eleanor realized that sounded like a rejection of him, and hurried on, blushing.“Why don’t you go out if you wish…”
She trailed to a stop as she thought of where he would probably go.How could a simple conversation be so full of traps?
Hard on that came the thought that if she made some move, gave some encouragement, perhaps he would not go out at all.
Goodness knows what he saw on her face, but he frowned slightly and took her hands.“Eleanor, what is it?”
She pulled away.“Nothing!”
He held onto her hands.“It is something.I wish you would tell me.”He looked closely at her.“Did someone say something this evening to upset you?”
“No, of course not.”In a minute he would guess and worm the truth out of her.Once his mistress was in the open they would never be at peace again.She knew what she must say, though it would be difficult.
She looked down at one of his silver buttons.“It was just that I seemed to be denying you our bed again, Nicholas,” she muttered.“I did not mean it like that.”
When he raised her face gently she was relieved to see only amusement in his look.“I know you didn’t.Do you think I’m such a monster as to bother you when you are so tired?Anyway, to be frank, I’m too worn out myself.Go on up, Eleanor.I have a few things to do and then, if you do not object, I will join you.The day bed is not too comfortable.”
“Of course,” she said hurriedly, pushing back thoughts as to why he was worn out.“In a week or two my own bedroom should be ready.That will make things easier.”
With despair, she knew she had said the wrong thing again.With a hasty, “Good night,” she fled.
Tears stung at her eyes as she hurried up the stairs and into her dressing room, where Jenny waited.The maid obviously wondered at her distress, though she would never comment on it.Eleanor did not want any rumor starting that the marriage was unhappy or that Nicholas was unkind.
“I have a terrible headache, Jenny,” she said in explanation as the maid removed the pins from her hair.“Just tie it back.I want to be in bed.”
Sympathetically, the maid did as she asked, and Eleanor was soon left to the dim silence of the room.The small nightlight was the only break in the dark and it cast strange shapes on the ceiling.
What was she to do?All too soon she would be growing big with child like Lady Bretton.If she wanted to attract her husband it must be now.He did desire her sometimes.Surely that could not be all acting.If she satisfied him would he not give up this other woman?Would he not be glad to be free of such a one?
Could she do it, though?Or would the memories of that night come back to spoil it?
Tangled in muddled thoughts and plans she fell asleep before he came to bed.
