“I suppose I should see to hiring a replacement nurse,” she said at last, relieved to have thought of an impersonal topic.“I don’t think there’s another experienced woman free locally.Perhaps you might find someone in London.”
“I believe our old nurse is still at Grattingley.She’s a pensioner there but still had all her wits the last time I saw her.After all, you’ll only need a temporary replacement.”
Eleanor bit back an urge to correct him.Wewill need…
“Yes, that will be best.”
There was a vibration between them.It disturbed her.It drew her.She looked up at him seeking something, she was not sure what.She saw it deep within his eyes.A need, a vulnerability.What would happen if she went into his arms now?
Could he stay detached and in control of himself and the situation then?She realized she resented his control.
She distrusted it.
She wanted to destroy it.
His lids lowered, but he came closer and put a gentle finger beneath her chin.“Courage Eleanor, for both our sakes.”
She read in his eyes the reassurance she wanted, that she had not known to ask.The need was real.If she sent him away he would go, but if she summoned him back he would return.
Perhaps he too found the moment difficult, for he moved away and sought an unemotional topic.“The family usually gathers at Grattingley for Easter.I assume we will not go with Arabel so young.”
All her anger returned.He was pretending to bow to her will, but assuming it would all be as he intended in the end.
As always.
“You must decide for yourself, Nicholas.I will let you know later what Arabel and I will do.”
He paled and looked as if he would speak.Then he took his dismissal, closing the door quietly behind him.
Eleanor lay on her bed in dry-eyed misery.
Chapter 16
Jenny woke Eleanor twice in the night to feed the baby, and it was late in the morning before she arose.She was brought a note from Nicholas with her breakfast chocolate.
Dear Eleanor,
Please do not think I have left you in pique or resentment, but I felt we would gain nothing from another farewell.You must know what I want, and can need no reassurance on that, but as I said, I am not infallible.I may have fumbled and I may have misjudged your heart.My greatest concern is that I may have caused you further distress by my actions.
Take all the time you wish, my dear, but only assure you make the right decision for your own happiness.If you accept me back in your life, you will not have another easy chance to slough me off, I promise.
Nicholas.
Eleanor knew she needed no more time.If he had delayed his departure she might not have let him go.
She loved him with the kind of love that would forgive far worse sins than his.She loved his lightened, boyish hair, his gold-flecked laughing eyes that crinkled up so easily into deviltry.She loved, in an earthy way she still did not fully understand, his lean features and the fluid movements of his beautiful body.
Ah, that body!It seemed so long now since he had lain naked beside her, and she had rejected him.And as long since that one dream time when he had given her a taste of delight…
She loved the mind that had always striven to give her freedom, the integrity that, knowing he could bend her to his will with ease, stood back to let her stumble in her own way.Oh yes, if he were still in the house she would not let him go.And he knew it.That was why he’d slipped away in the early hours.To preserve her from herself.
Peter, Amy, and Francis decided they had best be on their way too.Both Amy and Francis tried to plead Nicholas’s cause with her, but she put them off.She gave them no hint of her state of mind, but they must have noted her good humor, for they all looked happy.
Eleanor felt happy.Three weeks was not so very long.
Francis alone retained a trace of concern.Just before he went out to the waiting coach he said, “Eleanor, take care.”
“I will, I promise.When the weather is better we will doubtless visit Grattingley.That is not so far from you.”
