“As you know,” said Nicholas, “I have chosen this time and place to explain my absence.”Though the rest sat, he was standing slightly apart, making them all audience … or jury.
“This explanation is primarily to Eleanor, whom it most chiefly affects, but I felt it would be in her interests to have others around.Some people of a more skeptical disposition should listen to what I have to say and ask any questions they wish.”
“Do you know,” remarked Eleanor to no one in particular, “I’m not sure that isn’t an insult to my intelligence and my moral integrity.”
He colored a little and looked at her in surprise.“It truly isn’t meant as such, my dear.I flatter myself you have some fondness for me, and I know you have a kind heart.It seems better this way.”
Eleanor ventured no further objection.She’d made her point.She was paying critical attention to every word he said.He had wanted an objective hearing from her and that was what he was going to get.
He addressed them all again, glancing around the room.“I admit this set piece may verge on the melodramatic, but we have most of us been dragged through such a multitude of sordid and stupid dramas recently that it seems appropriate.I hope you are all agreeable to listening to what I have to say.”
He left a silence, which no one chose to break.
“I will tell the story from the beginning,” he went on.“Some of you do not know the whole.In fact, none of you do.”He laughed shortly.“I talked of drama.Farce would be a nearer word except for the wickedness underpinning the whole.
“As you know, I have chosen to spend a great deal of my time in recent years traveling, and I have enjoyed many experiences.With a comfortable income and no particular responsibilities, I was free to be adventurous.As I also seem to be extraordinarily lucky, I have come through so far without much damage.I have always enjoyed the company of women.In Vienna two years ago I had an affair with Madame Therese Bellaire.”
His voice was even, but he did not look at Eleanor.“The lady was, as you know, a Cyprian and frequently an abbess, but she was particular in the men she chose for her own pleasure.Her penchant is for young men, and her chief delight is to entangle raw young sprigs, teach them to please her, and then discard them to languish.She thought to enjoy this game with me, though I didn’t realize it at the time.I treated her as a mistress, and when I wished to move on I did so.She never forgave me.She apparently persuaded herself that she was brokenhearted.Certainly some strong force motivated her to seek revenge.I think it was plain outrage.
“I gave no further thought to her.Nearly a year ago I was heading slowly for these shores when I became inadvertently involved with espionage.In the days after Napoleon’s abdication I met a young Englishman in Paris.We were casual acquaintances only.One night I arrived at his lodgings to dine and found him dying of a bullet wound.He managed to give me a message of sorts, poor Richard, and when I conveyed it to the embassy I discovered he had suspected Therese of involvement in a plot to restore Napoleon.
“I couldn’t imagine that Therese would involve herself in such a thing, but the Foreign Office took it very seriously.I found myself entangled.They already had a dossier on Therese because of some previous activities.Unfortunately, this included the information that I had been her lover and that she was supposed to be still desperately in love with me.It was Lord Melcham who decided I was the perfect person to link up with her and discover the details of the plot, especially as she appeared to be moving her operations to London.”
He smiled ruefully.“I was ordered to serve my country.What could I do?Therese had temporarily disappeared, and so I waited in Paris for news of her whereabouts and sent a couple of my companions over to London to check her operations there.I will admit I was enjoying myself.It was exciting.It gave my rather aimless life a purpose, possibly a noble one.”
“Then, of course,” he said flatly, “I got married.The details of that need not concern us, but—”
“Nonsense!”broke in Eleanor forcefully.“If I understand things,” she continued more calmly, “you are asking our friends to judge you on your conduct as a married man.I refuse to allow this to go any further unless you tell the whole story.”
There was a long silence as their eyes clashed.
“Then it will go no further,” he said.
Eleanor swallowed.“Having started, it must go on.I will tell them.”
“No,” he said in a tone of absolute command.“I am prepared to bare my soul, but that is all.”
“Nicholas, these are our friends,” Eleanor said unbendingly.“They have wondered at us both.They deserve to know.They will not spread the tale.”
Defeated, he covered his face with tense fingers as she said, “My virginity was taken by force by Lord Stainbridge.He appealed to Nicholas to save my honor.We had never met before our wedding day.”
The startled listeners were beginning to understand that this was not to be an easy evening.In the silence Amy reached for her husband’s hand.Francis, looking at Nicholas, wondered if he would go on or would abandon the whole thing, but after a moment he drew his fingers from his face and continued in a lower and more strained voice.
“My brother’s appeal was somewhat … inopportune, but I had developed the habit early in life of getting him out of awkward situations.Eleanor and I were married, but then I was faced with both wife and mistress needing my attention.”
He picked up his wine glass and took a drink.Eleanor couldn’t be sure that his hand was steady.
“At first I had hopes of concluding Lord Melcham’s business speedily.I had resumed my liaison with Therese, and she seemed to be completely devoted to me.She claimed to be willing to do whatever I wished.I had, I thought, already persuaded her to give up her intrigues and had promised her a healthy amount of money from the British government if she would give them the lists of the leaders of the plot.I confess she was under the impression that we were going to enjoy this money together.I had convinced her my marriage was a formality … To do this I had to spend all my time with her.I found it simplest to simply leave town for a few days to complete my business with her.”
He spoke directly to Eleanor.“I couldn’t face the thought of coming from my mistress’s arms to yours.”
She lowered her eyes.There was a glow inside her that needed only a little fanning to burst into loving flame.But not yet.
“This couldn’t go on indefinitely, but instead of it all being over Therese began to make difficulties.I had to return home with nothing settled.It was a relief to me, Eleanor, that you seemed happy to accept a distant relationship for a little while.I thought you content, but I think I hurt you more than I ever thought to.”
Eleanor looked up and gave him a reassuring smile.His eyes left hers to dwell on the leaping flames in the fireplace.“I look back on all this as a period of madness,” he said, shaking his head.“I imagined I had some sort of duty to my country.I thought I could keep everyone dancing to a tune of my playing and pick up the pieces of my marriage whenever it was convenient.Conceited, aren’t I?”he remarked, looking back at her.
Eleanor said nothing, but she met his eyes.At least she could show him she was not unduly upset by what he was saying.
