But I hadn’t gone far when I saw him, standing alone at the edge of a road. Something was off: shoulders braced, limbs tensed. He had his phone at his ear and then shoved it away. In his other hand, he held a cigarette. He drew it to his mouth, took a quick puff, and then flicked it, still smoldering, to the ground.
I called his name and he turned, languid eyes unfocused like he didn’t see me. I jogged the last steps toward him. “Sorry”—I stopped and caught my breath—“they kicked me out early. I went for a walk and got turned around.”
“It’s fine,” he said, voice flat and empty. I waited for more but nothing came.
“Well, I’m glad I found you.” The library was ahead, easy to spot now that I knew where to look. But still the equivalent of several city blocks away. What was he doing over here? “Were you looking for me?”
“No, not yet.” He sounded completely disinterested, unbothered. “Is it seven?”
“It is.” I was running in frantic circles, stressing out about being late, and he hadn’t even checked the time. “Is something the matter?”
“No. Why?”
“I don’t know. Just—I don’t know, I’m asking.” We stood in silence, his reticence a solid thing between us. My stomach growledand I felt light-headed with hunger and adrenaline. I needed to eat. “Listen, I should get some dinner before we head back. Are you hungry at all?”
He shrugged. “Sure.”
It wasn’t really a yes, but I didn’t know what else to do and it seemed he wasn’t going to make it any easier. I couldn’t tell what was happening. He was upset about something, but what? We could be quick about it. We walked without talking, Tyler standing apart, hands in his pockets, eyes down. I kept checking the map, straining to make sense of it in the dark, worried that I’d get lost again. Finally, we made it to a broad street at the edge of campus. “It’s this way,” I said. “We should be there soon.”
We crossed the street and, as we got to the other side, Tyler stopped in the middle of the sidewalk.
“I’m sorry,” he said.
“What do you mean?”
“I’m being a total brat.” He looked away from me and down.
“Look, we can just go back to Sawyer if you want.”
“It’s not that.”
“What then?”
He picked at something on his lip, tugging. “Just some stupid thing with Addison.”
Ah, of course. I thought back to the fight I’d witnessed between them in September. “Want to tell me about it?”
“He’s just so frustrating. He acts like he’s the center of the universe. Mostly I can handle it but sometimes he just pushes me over the edge. He can be so clueless.”
It didn’t seem like much—teenage concerns. But I nodded and said, “That sounds annoying.”
“It’s notannoying.” Tyler spat the word, startling me, his face splotchy and red with a rush of heat and anger. “It’s fucking infuriating. He’s had every little thing handed to him in life and he has absolutely no idea. I just—” His eyes narrowed and flashed, his hand ripped through the air, as if grabbing for the words; a delivery guy dodged out of the way. “Forget it. Whatever.” He pressed a cigarette to his lips—I hadn’t noticed him pull out the pack. His face twisted in the lighter’s flare.
We stood there, Tyler smoking, neither of us speaking, pedestrians streaming around us. And then, as abruptly as the moment had erupted, it passed, as if a curtain had lowered and then lifted, Tyler’s whole body shifting in an instant. The tightness gone, a looseness returning. “I’m sorry.” He shook his head, whisking something away, smiled and laughed. “Don’t pay any attention to me, it’s nothing, just silly college shit. I don’t want to bore you.” He laughed again.
I wasn’t sure how to make sense of the sudden shift in mood. “I’m not bored. You’re sure you’re okay?”
“Really, I’m fine,” he said, and genuinely seemed it. “Forget about it.” He swiveled and scanned the block. “Look at all this.” It was the kind of street that radiated from college campuses across the country: Irish pubs, Thai restaurants serving gooey, sugary heaps of noodles, suburban fast-food imports. Throngs of students clogged the sidewalks, coming and going with the urgency of youth. “I forgot what it’s like to be in an actual city.”
“I think our spot is at the end of the block. Are you up for it?”
“Definitely, I’m starved.”
But we took just a few steps and then Tyler stopped again. We stood in front of a bar. A thick-necked bouncer manned the entrance, flirting with two girls.
Tyler pointed at the door. “Actually, let’s check this out first?”
“I don’t know.” Tyler was underage, I knew that, but I didn’t want to say anything—I didn’t want to set him off again. “This restaurant is supposed to get pretty busy. We might have to wait.” The door opened as a group exited. The crowd’s cacophony and the sour smell of old beer rolled out with them.
