He sniffed the toad from every angle, circling him with the slow, deliberate curiosity of someone who knew exactly how unsettling this was going to be. He nudged Alex lightly with his flat nose, then snorted again, jowls flapping.
Alex tried to puff himself up on his hind legs but rolled over instead, and I had to bite back my laugh.
My dad sneezed directly on him.
The toad squeaked somehow.
I laughed, and I didn’t even try to stop it. I didn’t even feel bad about not trying to stop it. Something deep, petty, and extremely satisfied unfurled in my chest as I watched my ex-husband, who’d once declared himself the loudest voice in every room, get absolutely steamrolled by a bulldog with a personal vendetta.
“Oh, geez,” Celeste whispered, eyes wide. “Grandpa is terrifying.”
“He’s just getting acquainted,” I said sweetly.
Frank dropped into a sit with a heavythumpdirectly in front of Alex, blocking his escape route. His mouth fell open slightly, tongue lolling, eyes bright and far too intelligent for comfort.
Alex ribbited frantically and tried to scoot sideways.
Frank leaned forward.
Snort.
Alex leapt.
My dad barked a deepwoofthat echoed off the stone walls and rattled cutlery.
Alex choked on his ribbit.
It came out as a warbly, panicked ribbit that had absolutely nothing to do with amphibian dignity. He hopped wildly, skidding across the stone and slamming into the table leg.
My heart filled with glee because apparently, I was emotionally stunted when it came to my ex.
My dad followed with joyful determination, tail pulsing harder now.
“Oh no,” Twobble said delightedly. “He’s about to play fetch.”
“Yes,” Stella said calmly. “And I see no reason to intervene.”
My dad sniffed again and gently—but firmly—placed one giant paw on the floor directly in front of Alex, blocking him like a bouncer at a very exclusive club.
My ex froze, and my dad tilted his head.
His jowls pulled back just enough to reveal teeth.
There was no snarl. In fact, I told myself it was a grin.
I pressed a hand to my mouth, shoulders shaking with joy.
“This,” I said, laughing, “is better than therapy.”
Celeste covered her face. “I can’t believe this is happening.”
But I noticed she didn’t step in.
My dad barked one more time before leaning down to give Alex a long, slow lick right across the back.
The toad let out a noise that no creature should ever make in public.
My dad huffed contentedly and sat back, clearly pleased with himself.
