Locke:
You breathe differently when you’re trying not to think about someone.
Eris:
You can’t know that.
Locke:
I can know you.
Eris:
You can hear through the speaker on my phone?
I’m going to stop bringing it with me if you’re going to use it to be creepier than normal.
If you have a problem with my evening activities, then maybe you should come find me.
I don’t wait for a reply. I put the phone face down on the nightstand, rolling my eyes even as I fight a smile.
It’s not a friendly, happy smile, though. It’s more like irony hidden behind a thin silk curtain.
I want to go back to telling myself it’s just code. Just a string of predictive algorithms and psychological prompts. My chest aches with the weight of the denial. I refuse to carry it any further than this bed. At least not tonight.
I haven’t done anything wrong.
But maybe he’s done just enough to help me catch him.
At least one of them.
Imake it as far as the hotel bar, a bottle of water and another glass of whiskey in front of me. And then I’m wandering back into the elevator, feeling like an idiot.
I’m going to tell her who I am.
But it only takes me peeking inside the room to realize she’s asleep. And that stops me in my tracks. While I’m frozen in place, I glance over to the desk and see my coat still hanging on the chair. I don’t immediately move to grab it, instead, I just lean against the wall and contemplate my life decisions.
I watch her longer than I should.
She lies on her side, one arm tucked under the pillow, the other curved over her ribs like she’s guarding something soft. The sheet has slipped halfway down her back, baring oneshoulder and a stretch of her spine. Her hair spills across the pillow like ink over parchment.
I find myself matching the slow rise and fall of her breathing.
She looks peaceful.
Like she belongs in this big bed, soft blankets surrounding her.
It should be my bed, not this hotel room. I keep telling myself that, like I haven’t just made the most deliberate mistake of my entire life.
No. Not deliberate.
Stupid.
Selfish.
Fucking reckless.
What the hell was I thinking?
