Matthias throws his head back and laughs.
I fight back tears, my eyes and chest burning as he openly rejects what I know to be true.
“You’re a fool, Ava.”
“And you’re nothing but a coward, Matthias Dashkov,” I hiss, baring my teeth again—ready to fight. Instead, I choose a different tactic. I roll my hips up. He’s so close the movement brushes me against the growing erection in his jeans.
“You’re using what I did as an excuse to put distance between us,” I continue, voice shaking. “And I’ve had it.”
“I am not a coward,” he roars, slamming into me, his pelvis grinding against mine. Electricity skates up my spine. My pussy is already embarrassingly wet, and I hate it—hate that he still controls my body. But from the way his rock-hard cock presses against my leggings, he isn’t in control of his either.
“You’re the one who betrayed me.” He thrusts again. A groan slips from my mouth. “For what? What did that FBI agent promise you? Freedom? Look how that turned out. Right backwhere it all started. You just don’t have a scapegoat this time. You’re the one running, Ava. Admit it. First from our agreement, then to the FBI, and now to Kavanaugh. Don’t preach to me about being a coward. That’s the pot calling the kettle, baby.”
“Fuck you, Matthias.” Anger erupts, molten and uncontrollable. “I didn’t run to Kavanaugh. You refused to have me back. I wanted to come back. I wanted to be with you. You’re the one who keeps pushing me away.”
My voice cracks, but I keep going.
“All I ever wanted is you. All I want now is to be your partner. Not just your wife. Not just your sex toy you pull off the shelf when you need a quick fuck. I’ve never been anything but a pawn to you, and I’m sick of it. I’m sick of loving someone who doesn’t love me back.”
twenty-two
My body freezes against hers.
She loves me.
Fuck. That’s a revelation.
Ava loves me.
My chest tightens at her words, my heart racing even faster, my cock hardening painfully as I process what she says.
How could beauty love a beast?
I snort internally. She may love me, but I could never love her. Even if I did, she betrayed my trust, and that is something I can never forgive.
“What do you want me to say, Red?” I sneer at her.
“That I love you? That I need you? That I can’t live without you?” I taunt. “Because we both know those would be nothing more than pretty lies wrapped in ugly packaging.”
Shaking my head, I let out a frustrated sigh. The tears in her eyes glisten like the light of a grand chandelier. I know it isn’t what she wants to hear, but it’s necessary.
Loving a woman is a weakness, but loving Ava?
It would be my downfall.
“The only person you’re lying to is yourself, Matthias,” she stutters, drawing in a wobbly breath. “I may not be able to read people the way you can, but I can read you like an open book, and you are nothing short of pathetic.
“Did I ever once ask you to love me? Or tell me that you need me? Or ask you to throw yourself on a sword if I left? No. I asked you to treat me like a partner. I asked you to stop lying and hiding secrets from me. I’ve lived the last eighteen years without love, and I’ll sure as hell survive the next however many years without it. I’m not some needy little schoolgirl. What we had before this all went to shit is fine with me. I liked what we had. It was nice and safe and warm.”
She pauses, taking a breath, the corner of her mouth curling into a wicked smirk as she resumes grinding her body against mine. Her hands slide under my shirt, her nails digging into the skin of my chest.
Blyad.
“Now,” she whispers wantonly, “are you going to just stand there and whine, or are you going to fuck me up against this wall like you promised?”
My chest rumbles at her challenge.
Fine. She wants to get fucked?
