She bites her bottom lip, “Okay, well…yeah. There’s nothing we can do, I suppose.”
She continues to look down, so I place a finger under her chin, lifting her focus towards me. “You okay?” She doesn’t reply straightaway, so I take her hand. That’s when I notice her eyes welling up. She shifts her positioning on the bed a little. “Yeah sure…it’s just happening so quick.”
“For me too.”
Her burst of laughter is filled with tears, almost as if trying to brave it out for my benefit. “We knew it was coming, right?”
“Not on this scale, but yeah, we did.”
She reaches for me, her fingers gently brushing the back of my neck, “We better make the most of the time we have left.” Her hoarse voice chokes out the words. She is trying so hard to hold in her emotions, but she can’t stop them as they clearly run a line down her cheek.
“It’s not forever.”
“I know,” she repeatedly nods. “I’m just being daft.” Her brave smile disappears when I shift onto to my back and bring her close against my chest. Cal lets go of the tears she’s been holding back for the past couple of minutes, which is when it dawns on me. I’ve been so busy making sure Mum would be safe, and the boys in the band got the deal they deserved I didn’t consider Cal in all this; she won’t be with me for the ride. In the beginning, Cal said she would try, but I can see now, it won’t happen—thethought of leaving her behind sinks in. I don’t like it. I don’t fucking like it at all. She will be alone all over again, and this realisation hits me hard in the gut. I want her to be my number one priority, but I don’t know how to do that when she isn’t by my side. I caress the back of her head while she soaks my chest with her tears. “It will be okay, Cal. I promise.”
We’re picked up at 10am by an 8-seater Mercedes with blacked-out windows. It’s kind of like a high-class van and way over the top for a band like us, but this is more Bernie’s doing than ours.
Cal wanted to meet at the festival ground, but I insisted she came with us. We’ve been coming to this festival since we were babes in arms, and I can’t risk her having to queue up with the bazillion day-pass holders I know are outside the gates. She would be out there for hours and I want us to experience everything together. I’m also worried she won’t find or get near us if we don’t start off this way. We have a press meeting for the signing then a few individual interviews. I don’t want some jobs-worth-know-it-all to take our security too seriously and not let her through to backstage.
We’re sat right at the back of the vehicle, with Mum and Tommy in the seats in front. Bernie, Dani, Max and Brett are in the van behind, so I take the opportunity to have 5 private minutes with Cal before it gets crazy.
I take her pass from my rucksack. Dani gave it to me earlier along with her disapproval at Cal being here at all. I’d previously cleared it with Bernie, so I didn’t give a fuck about Dani’s opinion.
“Come here,” I say, and she bows slightly so I can placethe lanyard—complete with Election Records branding—over her head.
Once around her neck, she holds up the plastic sleeve containing the backstage pass and takes a good look.
“This is the stuff dreams are made of. I can’t believe my boyfriend is about to take on one of the biggest festival crowds in the country.”
“Same. I used to dream of being up there when I was a kid and now, I get to do it for real; I can’t believe this is happening Cal. It’s pretty mind-blowing.”
She looks up, the blue of her eyes clearer than ever before. She looks so cute today. I love the way she plaits her hair on each side, showing off her natural beauty. I know I shouldn’t say it, but her legs are incredible—slightly tanned, smooth and slender. She knows how to show them off, too. They look spectacular against her white shorts. She’s tied her blue and white gingham shirt up in the middle and opened it low enough to show just enough of the blue lace bra she’s wearing and the curve of her skin underneath. Shit, I hope Cal can’t see my mouth watering. I’m totally mesmerised.
“You alright there, Ash?” She smiles, probably realising I’ve been taking in every inch of her incredible body. I can’t help myself. I have to touch her, so I put my hand on her knee, sliding it across her soft skin and over her thigh. I lean in and whisper, “As long as you’re here, then yeah, I’m okay.”
She isn’t embarrassed, probably because no one can really see too much of us placed at the back of this ridiculously massive van, which is good. My hand has found its way higher, and I reach for a kiss; she doesn’t hesitate to return.
We reach the venue all too quickly. I glance through the window to see a crowd lined along the entrance. Some try toget a glimpse into our vehicle; maybe they’re waiting for their rock heroes to arrive. I think they’ll be wildly disappointed when they realise nobody special is getting out of this car.
We’re about to come to a stop, when Mum says over her shoulder, “I just want you to know how proud I am of you, Son.” I see a small tear in the corner of her eye before she reaches behind, offering her hand, which I squeeze lightly.
“Ready man?” Tommy asks, bracing himself to get out the car.
“I was born ready,” I wink back.
Cal grabs my arm before the door opens fully. “Before I lose you to the rest of the world, I want you to know how amazing you are. You’re going to smash it out the park today. I know it.”
My fingers itch to touch her skin and I reach out automatically to her cheek, brushing against her delicate jawline. “One thing Cal. You, of all people, will never lose me. Not to the rest of the world—not to anyone.” The smile she gives is sweet but kind of sad. I don’t have the few minutes to reassure her I mean every word, but I will. As soon as we get the time alone we deserve.
The next few minutes pass so fast. The doors open from the outside by one of the tallest men I’ve ever seen, but it’s the almighty roar of a waiting crowd, nearly lifting the roof off the car, which shocks me the most. Tommy is about to step out when he’s almost knocked off his feet by the noise. “Fuck,” he calls out, looking back at us, then catches Mums’ eye. “Sorry Mrs C.”
“No problem Tommy,” I just about make out her words over the noise.
He calls back again. “This crowd is immense.”
“Don’t let it go to your head. They probably think it’s Radiohead,” I answer while Cal and I unclasp our seatbelts to get out.
“I don’t know, some of them are holding up Koolum Law banners.”
