“How is that even possible? You must have had boyfriends,” I ask, but in honesty, I don’t want details. Thinking of Cal in another man’s arms is not something I want in my head.
“Well, yeah, but nothing meaningful, just dating for a bit.” Her finger dips in the sand beside her, where she pulls out one half of a tiny clamshell. Aimlessly, she uses it to scoop the sand into a pile. “I’ve never had someone in my life who I’ve wanted as much as I want you.”
My stomach knots. What the hell is this girl doing to me, apart from making me fall harder. I am in love with her and she needs to know it. I hold Cal closer, “I want you, too; there’s nothing wrong in that.”
“You don’t understand,” she says, a crackle to her voice. “This is all so alien to me, and the way things are going for you and the band, it will only get worse. I’m not sure I can handle being witness to the constant female attention coming your way.”
“What do you mean?” I know what she’s getting at, but I won’t let her end what we have. I’ll fight with everything I have before that happens.
She turns around, sitting on her knees to face me. “How long ago did we say we would take what we have and see where it went? It’s not so long ago, but already, I’ve broken the only promise we made—no promises. It was my idea to take what we could with no hard feelings. Now I’m not sure Ican do it, and from those three little words you were about to say, you must have your doubts too.”
“I don’t have any doubts. I know I’m?—.”
“You’re not allowed to say it out loud.” She stills, biting her bottom lip.
“You can’t keep stopping me. I mean every one of those three little words.”
Her eyes dip down; unwilling to absorb what’s in my heart.
“I know you feel it too, Cal.”
Her hands cover her face completely, so I reach over to her wrists and pull them away. She can’t look at me when she says, “What are we going to do? This wasn’t meant to happen.”
“Be honest with yourself, Cal. It was nevernotgoing to happen. We both knew it.” I pull her forward, tight in my arms while we sit and contemplate our situation. I can’t be without Cal, and I intend to let her know in no uncertain terms, but she speaks before I do.
“When you get out on the road, how do you think I’ll handle being away from you?”
“Like a pro. I’ve never met anyone as level-headed and calm as you, Calla Bryson.”
“Not when it comes to you, I’m not. Ash, I’m going to be a nightmare. I know it. How the hell do I deal with the sleepless nights, wondering which party you’re at, who you’re with? This thing could eat me up and spit me out. I’m not sure I want to put myself in such a position.”
“You don’t have to.”
“How did you work that out?”
I lower my voice. “You could come with me.”
I sense her looking out to sea and into the night. She takes in a deep breath, pushes herself to her feet, then holds out herhand. “Walk with me?” She asks—clasping my hand with hers. Why do I get the feeling, this isn’t good?
We take a slow walk down the beach. Cal bites her lip then says, “The thing is, you’re just starting out in your musical career and to be honest, I’m about to begin something new too. Even when I’ve finished uni, I’ll be applying for work placements all over the country. I want to put my degree to good use when I get it and I could end up anywhere.”
“Then do that, Cal. I’m not gonna stop you chasing your dreams.”
“But I can’t if I’m following you around the country.”
“Yes, you can. Complete your course on-line or failing that, join me whenever you get the chance.”
“Then what? I can’t live on fresh air Ash. I have to work—or rather, I want to work.” She stops, looking up to the stars. “This could all end in heartbreak.”
“It doesn’t have to.”
“But it probably will.”
“Cal, you’re looking at all the negatives.” I try to reason with her.
“I’m trying to be realistic Ash. That’s all. Just say I came with you. How do I handle the endless girls you’re bound to have hanging around the stage door? I’ve already admitted I’m jealous and I can’t be with you 24/7, checking your every move. It wouldn’t be fair on either of us.” She seems almost resigned to her scenario. “I don’t want to end up like some crazed, psycho girlfriend.”
I pull her into my arms. “Why would I bother with anyone else, when I have something better waiting for me.”
