“Oh my God,” I whisper.
“I got to a point where I needed to get away, so I travelled around Europe, but Asia was the real turning point. Being there did me a lot of good, I got to sort my head out.”
“Shit,” I hiss, “I had no idea.”
We are silent a minute longer, while Ash rubs my back. I’m sure this must be pretty uncomfortable for him, but he’s here for Scott and me. I know that.
I swallow hard before I say, “I heard your dad passed away too a little while ago. I’m sorry, Scott.” I don’t mean to sound so blunt, but I’m still dazed and trying to process everything.
“I’m sure you heard what happened, although we don’t know if he committed suicide or fell onto the train track in a drunken state. You can guess the rest.”
I glance over at Scott’s ashen complexion. This has got to be the most challenging thing he’s ever had to face and the most difficult thing I’ve ever had to come to terms with. I feel like a piece of shit for being so cold with him. This whole situation has devastated his life and he’s had to live with it a lot longer than I have. He’s been through so much, and although he handled it badly, I understand his reasons. What teenager could deal with it? How dare his father burden him with so much information, then swear him to secrecy? And how dare my mother keep me in the dark? She led me to believe my dad didn’t care, when that poor man, the man she married, wasn’t my father at all. No wonder he left.
I don’t know what I’m more devastated about; being lied to all these years or the hurt and chaos essentially caused by my mother. She’s torn more than one world apart and caused the split in his family. Now I get why he wanted me to hurt as much as he was hurting.
I push back from Ash, signalling with my eyes to let him know I’m okay. Moving my chair away from the table, I walk around to Scott’s side and crouch down beside him, placing my hand over his. “You didn’t deserve any of it. I’m so sorry all those things happened to you. So, so sorry.”
“We’re both a victim of our parents’ selfishness,” a single tear falls from his eye, “and if I could take back what I did to you… I’d do it in a second. I’ll apologise for all the shit I put you through a thousand times a day if it means we can salvage something good from all this.”
It’s been a good four or maybe five years since I last laid eyes on Scott. Now I know why. He seems genuinely remorseful; I might even go as far as to say I admire him for facing up to what happened and what he did to get through it but Jesus, I have no idea where to start with getting to grips with this.
“You don’t need to apologise anymore. None of this is our doing.” Scott offers a sad smile. It seems we’ve reached a mutual understanding. I’ve got to admit; I feel lighter because of it.
I stand and walk back to my seat and Ash’s waiting arms, but I can’t help but stare into space, my head awash with information. There are so many questions I need answers to, but for now, I’ll concentrate on what is in front of me. I’m honest with Scott when I say, “I don’t know where we go from here.”
“I understand,” he says. “But us being here, talking about it, is a start. In fact, if we’re at a point of being completelyhonest with each other, then I can finally admit something. I applied for this job on purpose and not just because I saw an advert in the paper. When I passed by one day, I saw you working here, then Ash confirmed it for me. I hoped, by doing this, you might learn to trust me. Believe me, I had no intention of telling you everything—not yet. I wanted to see if we could be friends, just to get us on an even keel, but you wanted answers now. I’m sorry you’ve found out this way; I bet I’m the last person on earth you want as a brother.”
“A brother, yeah.” How the hell do I respond?
Ash’s hand falls to mine once more. His thumb brushes backwards and forwards over the back of my hand in comfort. “What are you thinking about Cal? How do you want to handle this?” he asks, perhaps wondering if Scott and I working together is a good idea.
“I don’t know.” I look to him, smiling but my head is swimming. Somehow, I’ve got to deal with what is happening right now. I rub my eyes, then run my fingers through my hair. I’m restless, so I stand from my seat, then rest my hands to the table and bow my head. “Look Scott, we’re two people who’ve had seven bells of shit kicked out of us, and I’m just talking about today’s conversation. I can’t make you any promises, but you’ve already said you want us to get along so, why don’t we start there. That’s all we can do for now.” He takes in a breath, then glances up, a curve to his mouth. “Sounds good.”
“Okay, but just one last thing.”
“Sure.”
“Let’s take this slowly. It doesn’t mean we’re suddenly the best of friends. It means we’ve found out we’re related and trying to find some way through.”
“Okay, I get it.”
“Good… that’s good.”
I can’t explain the overwhelming need to make this right, but I offer my hand for him to shake before I think about it. His lips pull together in a straight line. “This is probably more than I deserve from you, Calla. I’m sure instead of offering me a hand; you would prefer to punch my lights out.”
“And you don’t feel the same way about me?” I huff out a laugh not expecting a surge of emotion as he takes my hand in his and we shake to whatever this new relationship between us will be. My eyes well as a torrent of tears spill over, and I blow out a held breath.
“Fuck, Calla, are you okay? Shit, I didn’t mean to make you cry so much.” Scott’s chair scrapes over the tiled floor when he comes over to my side of the table this time, placing his arm around my shoulder.
“I’m alright. It’s probably relief after a lot of pent-up emotion.”
Ash rushes behind the counter and returns with blue kitchen roll in his hands. “It’s a bit rough, but it will do to wipe away the tears for now.”
“Thank you,” I choke out a laugh, looking to both Scott and Ash. “You know, us working together could be good, I suppose. I’ll probably have a lot of questions for you going forward—or maybe none at all. You’ll probably be the same. This is all a little hard to get to grips with.” I sniff.
“Yeah, me too and I’ll do everything I can to make this as easy for you as possible.”
“Let’s just take this one day at a time, okay?”
