“Okay, then. I’m hoping to run my own business one day. Don’t ask me in what, I have no idea, but I like the thought of working for myself and building something up from scratch.The problem is, I’ve only just completed my placement year, so I need more work experience first. I’m not sure I’ll find what I need around here. I love Braebeach, but sometimes you have to spread your wings.”
My heart sinks at the thought of her going one way and me the other. I’ve only just caught up with her again. I notice her shoulders drop as if she’s feeling exactly the same way I do, so I dip my head and try to catch her eye. “Hey, while we’re both still here and have the summer, there’s nothing to stop us from having a little fun together?”
She answers straight away, “We can do that,” then she smiles, sparking my own smile back but inside, there’s an ache to my gut. It would be better if we could have a little more time.
I can’t stop thinking about her.
Cal and I spent the whole of last night together. Our decision to head for The Daisy Bar in town was last minute. It’s one of the few open until the early hours, plus we can get in for free—a perk of working there.
We entered into a crowd of clubbers which was hard to resist and we kept dancing until the sun came up. Then we wandered the streets until we found ourselves back at mine.
Her love of music spoke to me more than I knew possible. When we got back to my room, her face lit up at the sight of my vinyl records, and she took her time picking out her favourites.
“I can’t believe you love The Waterboys too,” she said, her voice all high pitched.
“Most people haven’t heard of them,” I told her.
“You know who I have to thank for introducing them tome?” she said, her face glowing. “It’s someone we both knew well.”
“Not Mr Williamson?”
“The very same.” She was referring to our old music teacher.
We played their album,A Pagan Placein its entirety—kissing, in-between singing, in-between talking until we both fell asleep. Cal was spooned against me as we lay on top of the duvet. Now, I’m waking up by myself. There’s a note on the side table explaining she had to run. There’s no number for me to call—again—but there is a casual invitation for lunch at the Rosie Lee Café where she works. At least now we both know where to find each other at work or home. Maybe that’s her appeal. Cal is easy-going. Always has been, at least, that’s the way she came across at school.
A bang at the door has me up and out of bed. Taking the stairs two at a time and nearly sliding on my arse, I realise I didn’t need to rush. Tommy is there first.
“Jesus Mrs C. Are you alright?”
My blood runs cold at the sound of her tearful sob. “Mum,” I say to myself as her puffy eyes meet mine. She’s not wearing any make-up, her hair is tied up in a messy ponytail, and her shoulders slump forward. There’s a vacant look in her eyes. She’s tired, deflated, all the opposites of her usual glowing, energetic, self.
“What the hell happened?” I ask, holding out my arms for her to walk into, as a waterfall of tears erupts against my chest. Then I notice the suitcase behind her. She sobs against me, unable to get her words out clearly; the only thing I make out is her repeatedly saying, “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” Tommy glances over at the two of us, before reaching around to collect Mum’s bag, bringing it inside. As he passes me on his way up the stairs, his hand falls to my shoulder, giving mea signal to show he’s here if I need him. I give him a slow blink; letting him know I have his message as I rub Mum’s back; reassuring her, she’ll be okay. It’s hard to listen to her sobs of built-up emotions. Emotions I’d clearly underestimated.
I persuade her to follow me into the kitchen. Tea is the answer to everything; well, it always was according to my gran. I’m not sure Mum would agree right now.
I put a strong hot cup in front of her and spoon in two good helpings of sugar. She looks as if she could do with the energy hit. I don’t have to wait long until she’s ready to talk, and when she does, I’m not surprised by what she has to say.
“I’m sorry, Ash, I didn’t know where else to go.”
“Don’t be daft, Mum. I’d be mad if you went anywhere else.”
“You’re such a good lad, but you always were, even as a little fella.” A faint smile pales over her lips, then she glazes over towards her tea, holding it with both hands as if she needs the heat somehow. I cup my palm over her wrist and hold it tight. “I can’t live with your father anymore, Ash. I can’t do it. When he speaks to me…” She fades into her own world for a few seconds, then comes back. “I’ve always made my own decisions but lately… I don’t know how to explain it.”
“Take your time, Mum.” I’m so worried about her, having never seen her this way before. She’s always been so strong.
Mum sighs. “It’s as if he won’t listen when I talk. My opinions don’t matter to him anymore. Instead, he shuts me down, shouts and tells me I don’t know what I’m talking about.” I squeeze her wrist a little more, letting her know she is safe with me. Her tear-filled eyes turn to mine. “He wasn’t always like this, you know. When we were first married, and after you came along, he was an amazing husband and father.At some point, he changed. I can’t pinpoint when, exactly. He became angry all the time; I can’t seem to do anything right anymore. It’s like walking on eggshells; I’m sure he hates me.” Her head falls to the crook of her arm resting on the table and she sobs once more. All I can do is hold her for now and let her release all the pent-up emotions she has inside. I wonder how long this has been going on, I mean I had an idea he was shitty with her, but not to this degree.
Mum lifts her head slowly while her tears subside. I get up from my seat, grab the box of tissues from the side, then offer her one. “Thanks, Son,” she says, wiping away her tears. “Look Ash, I hate to ask this, but could I stay with you a little while.”
“You know you can, Mum. You don’t have to worry anymore, and if you don’t want to see him again, you don’t have to.” I was going to suggest she stay here anyway. At least I don’t have to fight her on that one.
“Thank you, Ash. I know I’ll have to face him at some point, but it’s such a relief to have some breathing space.” She tuts, looking up to the ceiling, rolling her lips to keep back her tears. “And I packed in a rush without thinking past what I would do after I left the house. I’ve lost contact with a lot of my friends. He managed to drive most of them away or said I shouldn’t see them anymore. Apparently, they were putting big ideas in my head,” she laughs out on a sob. “More like trying to help me, but I couldn’t see it then.” She dabs her cheek before telling me, “I haven’t got a lot of money either. Your dad takes care of anything financial and he notices if the full amount doesn’t go in our account. I’m not a liar by nature Ash, I promise you, but I’ve had to tell him a few white lies these past few months just to put some money aside for myself. You’ll think I’m awful, but I once told him I had to buy the books you needed for your course. I’m sorrylove, I didn’t think I’d ever stoop so low.” She takes in a breath, then blows it out.
“It’s not low, Mum; it’s surviving.” She smiles, falling into my arms for a hug.
“What would I do without you, Son.”
“Thankfully, Mum, it’s something you never have to worry about.”
