The family is taking care of Scott’s service. I’m not a crier, but Jesus, this soreness in my throat is nearly choking me with every dedication and song.
Angie and Calla didn’t feel strong enough to speak, so Mrs C read a beautiful poem, and Ash, along with Chris, Scott’s business partner, conducted the order of service.
I don’t know where they found the strength. Losing someone you’re so close to is fucking hard, never mind having to talk about them openly at their funeral. I didn’t expect to be affected like this, but I’m a wreck.
Ash talks about Scott in such a beautiful way. His speech is full of childhood memories and his words make us laugh, then cry. I’m not prepared for the last part of his tribute, which turns me into a fucking heap.
“We were bound by more than friendship, me and Scott. When he married Angie, we were over the moon. What could be better than my girlfriend’s brother marrying her best friend? Well, it was probably when I married Cal because then we were not only the best of friends, but family.
“Nothing makes me sadder than to know Scott will never meet his son or daughter, but as a family, we will do everything in our capability to make sure they know every detail about their dad. Scott will forever live deep in our hearts and we’re going to miss him so much.”
Ash pauses and looks up from his notes and into the eyes of the congregation as tears stream down his face. Then, he looks up at the heavens. “Stay safe up there, man. You know we love you.”
He takes his crutches from the wall behind him and leaves the lectern in bits.
Next, it’s Chris who steps up and begins his reading. “Do not stand at my grave and weep—” as the curtain slowly closes.
“No. Tell them to stop.” Angie’s guttural sob echoes around the room. Until this point, she’s kept her composure, but it looks as if reality is sinking in.
“It’s okay, Angie,” Ash says. He tries to help, and Calla’s arm goes around her shoulders, but Angie breaks free.
“No, no, no. It’s not okay.” She steps towards the curtain. “They can’t take him away,” Angie cries.
Heads turn to one another with worried faces, deep mumbles fill the room, and I exchange a glance with the other guys for guidance. It’s fucking hard to watch her suffer.
Calla sobs against Ash’s chest while he looks helplessly towards his sister-in-law. He’s torn between holding his wife, comforting Angie, and dealing with his own grief.
Ash’s mum stands in the aisle in front. She looks over her shoulder, catching sight of our familiar faces, and her panicked eyes fall on us with relief. “Tommy, Max, can you help me take care of her, please?”
I look at Max, and I won’t deny he’s looking a little panicked. What the hell am I meant to do? I’m not the right person for this, but I can’t let the family down, and I can’t stand seeing Angie suffer anymore. Something like adrenaline surges through me as I follow Ash’s mum to the front.
“Can we stop for a minute,” I shout and raise my hand as Angie falls in a heap in front of the closed curtain. Thank God someone in this place heard me, and I receive a nod from Chris that it’s done.
I place my arm around Angie’s shoulders while Mrs C rubs her back. Her wide, tear-filled eyes look up to mine with horror. Fuck. What if I’m the last person she wants to see? Will she think I’m butting in on something that has nothing to do with me? I don’t want to upset her, but I also have to try and help.
“Angie?” I try to guide her away, but she continues to sob.
“Please don’t let them take him.” As I look into her eyes, the horror I saw turns into desperation.
“You’ve got to let him go, love,” Mrs C tries to reason with her, but Angie isn’t listening. Her eyes are practically pleading with me now. What the hell do I do?
“Angie. It’s okay. Come and sit down.” I’m trying to soothe her pain, but I’m pretty positive nothing I say will make her feel better.
“Tommy.” She grabs my jacket, her slight frame fallingagainst my chest. She clings to me with every ounce of strength she has. Her face is wet with tears as she pleads, “Help me. They want to take Scott away. They want my love, but I’m not ready. I don’t want to say goodbye.” Her tear-stained face continues to look up to me. “How can I live without him?” her voice croaks.
“I know, babe. I know.” My throat is hoarse with emotion as I struggle to speak.
“Nobody understands,” she says through her tears.
Angie is falling apart in front of me. She is fucking desperate to be heard and I seem to be the only one who is listening. I have to give her what she wants.
Then an idea comes to mind. I’m not sure if it’s right or even possible, but I’m willing to do anything to help.
“Angie, listen to me. Why don’t we sit down and let everyone else leave?” Mrs C’s wide eyes meet mine, so I mouth, “Trust me.”
Her lips purse together in a straight-lined smile and she nods.
“Scott is not going anywhere until you’re ready, okay?” I reassure Angie.
