She nods. “Nobody expects anything from you. All you have to do is be physically with us and we can take care of the rest.”
Calla is so strong. “How are you able to keep going like this? He was your brother; you lost him too.”
“I keep busy by looking after everyone else, which is why I need you to come home with me. This is for me as much as it is for you. This is my way of coping,” she replies with a warm hug.
When I’m released from her hold, I catch Calla’s eyes. There is so much hope shining back at me. This is the moment I realise; I can’t let her down. “Okay then. I'll come.”
Her face lights up with relief. “You will? That’s brilliant, Angie.” She reaches for my hand, taking it in hers once again. “Thank you.”
“Give me time to jump in the shower, though. It's been a few days.” I sniff.
“Sounds good. How about I make us a cup of tea and tackle some of your post or the washing while you get ready?”
“There is no washing.” I look down at my slobby appearance. “I’ve been wearing these pyjamas for over a week.”
“Hmm, I can tell.” She screws up her nose and smirks.
“All right. Hint taken.” I half-heartedly smile.
Getting in the shower or getting dressed, or even drinking a bloody cup of tea, is the last thing I want to do, but I will, for my friend and my baby growing inside me. We need each other to deal with the pain.
Calla throws her jacket on the coat stand. I’m about to do thesame when she flies over to my side. “Let me help you with that.”
My hand falls to her arm. “I’ve got it.” As much as I love her, I don’t want to be smothered.
“Sorry. I’m fussing, aren’t I?”
Now I feel bad when I look into Calla’s eyes. I’ve upset her. “No, Cal. It’s me. I’m oversensitive, that’s all.”
Her mouth flickers upward briefly. I hope she didn't think that was rude.
“Baby?” Ash calls from the living room.
“Just coming,” Calla calls over her shoulder.
She leads the way to where Ash lounges with his guitar across his middle. His leg is in plaster and resting on a stool. She kisses him full on the lips and runs a hand across his jaw. She probably doesn’t realise how envious I am that she gets to touch her husband like that.
“Look who I’ve finally dragged over.” Calla glances towards me.
Ash’s eyes widen. “Angie. Hey.” He places the guitar by his side. “Come here, you.” He holds out his arms, but I’m not sure I want to hug him. Is that wrong of me? Do I have to give myself another talking to? I force myself forward regardless. Scott would want me to look after Ash, so I try to smile instead of being angry that he’s here and my husband isn’t. I am trying not to have these thoughts, but they just slip into my head without warning. I don’t mean them. There’s no way I’d wish this nightmare on anyone, especially my best friends.
No words pass between us when I lean forward and hug Ash. As I step away, he grips my hand. I see by the sadness in his eyes that he wants to say something but can’t find the words, and now I feel guilty for not wanting to be near him. Ash and Scott were friends right from primary school and I should respect the fact that I’m not the only one missing him.
“How are you feeling now?” I ask, breaking the silence. “Still in pain?”
“I have another four weeks with my leg in plaster and my ribs are fucked, but I’m slowly getting better.” We both nod and the silence returns for a few seconds. “What about you? How are you doing?” he asks.
Swallowing the hard lump in my throat and forcing back a wave of emotion, I tell myself I can do this. “I’m doing shit, thanks.”
Ash huffs out a sad smile. “Yeah, that was a stupid question.”
I take a seat at the other end of the sofa, losing myself in the grand space of this room. Calla and Ash have the most beautiful beach house with a lot of white furniture and accessories. How they keep it so clean with a child around, I do not know. But then, Calla is a clean freak. She’s so much like Scott in that respect.
“Would you like some tea?” Calla asks.
“No. No more tea, thank you. The last lot is still sloshing around in my stomach.” I don’t know how I'm going to keep any food down, but ultimately, that’s what I'm here for. She wants to see me eat and I have to try.
“Do you want a blanket or anything? The TV on?”
