In person, I was a chicken. I never went to see him, not up close, and always got seats where he wouldn’t be able to see me. It was sad that after all these years, I held on to my crush, while at the same time being too unwilling to do anything about it.
But today, that was going to change. His last on-air interview, hearing his voice made me feel like I was back in college, and I had to see him. No good was going to come of it, but a growing feeling inside me said I’d never forgive myself if I didn’t. Today, I was going to be there to see him, to meet him, and to make sure that I didn’t bow out… I got VIP tickets. They cost a week’s salary and were going to be worth it. I got box seats with a meet-and-greet, and nothing was going to keep me away from that.
“Anyone going to the match with you tonight? A hot date, perhaps?” James was so in love with his husband that he wanted the same for everyone else. It was adorably sweet.
As much as he knew I liked talking about hockey and was Axel’s biggest fan, he didn’t know our connection. It wasn’t a secret. Why would it be? But I felt like it was something I didn’t want to share with a coworker. I wanted to keep it to myself.
“You mean the hockeygame?” I wasn’t sure if he said match to get me riled up or if he thought everything used the same terms as his beloved tennis. “No, the tickets cost too much to bring a friend. It’s just me. Let me go do that changeover for you. I’ll give you a heads-up when it’s clean enough. At least they called an extra cleaning crew today.”
I did have to give my hospital credit, they did the best they could with the facility and staffing they had.
The rest of my shift went by at the speed of lightning. That was what happened when you were busy. But as I was getting ready to complete the shift-change paperwork, we got a call saying there were not one but six ambulances coming due to a major crash on the highway.
As much as I wanted to go to that hockey game, it wasn’t even a thought in my mind not to volunteer to stay and help. Because at the end of the day, I went into nursing to help people and took a job at the ER to help them when they needed it, not just during office hours.
Tonight, that meant sacrificing a hockey game. I’d have another chance to gather my courage again, but these people couldn’t wait.
3
AXEL
The final buzzer sounded, and my teammates mobbed me on the ice. Everyone was pounding gloves and cheering as the crowd roared. That was another win in the books, and we were off to a strong start for the season.
I should have been riding the high of that third-period goal that sealed our victory. But my wolf was pacing inside my chest, as he’d been doing off and on since we arrived in the city. He hadn’t done that in years, and I couldn’t work out what the problem was.
“Chartris! Are you coming to celebrate with us?” Angelo, our left wing, had his arm around my shoulder as we headed for the tunnel. “We’re hitting the local sports bar, and the first round’s on me.”
“Maybe later.” I waited for the disapproval that I knew was coming.
“What? We just destroyed them, and you’re bailing? What’s with that?”
I plastered a smile on my face. “You know how I am after a game. I need to wind down.” That wasn’t a lie. After every game I needed to do something with the adrenaline surging through my veins. But a few beers with the team usually took care of that.
Tonight was different because my wolf was unsettled, and he couldn’t explain why he was so restless.
In the locker room, I got changed fast. Coach gave his usual post-game speech about not getting cocky and focusing on the next opponent. I nodded in the right places and escaped as soon as I could with a promise that I’d meet the guys at the bar in an hour.
The night air hit me as I left the arena, and it was cold enough I could see my breath. I had no destination in mind and started walking. My wolf was insistent that I go somewhere, though he didn’t say where. We'd never been to the city previously, so it wasn’t as though he wanted a hot dog slathered with mustard and onions that was the city’s must-have.
He huffed at the mention of a dog and told me to move.
I let my thoughts wander. I’d been a professional hockey player for four years and made it through my first season without embarrassing myself. After working hard and getting a starting position, everything I’d planned back in college was checked off my list.
I’d gotten the scholarship, the division one team, and gone pro. It was everything I’d ever wanted, with one exception. Stan wasn’t part of my life, and I wasn’t sure my success had been worth it because not only were we not mated, but we’d lost touch.
After the scandal and I had accepted the offer from Whitford University, we called and texted every day. Gradually thatbecame once a week because he had exams and I had practice. We had different lives in different cities, and the texts dried up.
There was a giant Stan-sized hole in my life, and every day I wondered what he was up to. I’d look at the sky every night thinking of him and wonder if he was doing the same.
I heard from a mutual friend that Stan had finished his degree and was working as a nurse. I’d been going to call and congratulate him but hesitated. What would we have said to one another? It might have been awkward, and I imagined hearing a guy’s voice in the background who might have been a lover, a friend with benefits, or a mate. I couldn’t bear the pain of knowing he was in love with someone else.
My wolf had never forgiven me for leaving Stan behind. He reminded me regularly that we should look for him, but what did a wolf understand about human behavior?
You’re not human, he pointed out.
A few blocks from the arena was a park that we’d driven past on the way to the game. It was dark except for scattered streetlights. Maybe I could shift. Taking his fur and running might rid my beast of whatever was bugging him.
I ducked behind a bunch of trees and got undressed, placing my folded clothes under a bush so any passerby wouldn’t see them. My beast was still agitated when he bounded over the grass, and keeping to the shadows, he raced through the park with the wind whizzing past.
