Janice got up from the desk and came to stand in front of him, resting a hand on the side of his face. She might have been several inches shorter than him, but the way she looked at him made it feel like she was staring straight into his soul.
“When you reach the end of your days, dear, or even the middle of your days, you won’t judge your happiness on how many fashion shows you took part in or which celebrities wore your designs. You’ll judge it by how many people you love are standing by your sides. Right now, you’re luckier than most in that you have two perfectly wonderful men who think you hung the moon and vice versa. Enjoy them and count your blessings.”
“The world isn’t ready for a committed relationship between three men,” Ryan said, scared at how intense the anxiety about that was inside him. “I already have one massive strike against me in the fashion world. What if they all take one look at me with two men and turn up their noses, locking me out forever?”
There it was. The reason Ryan was so filled with panic about embracing a non-traditional relationship, even though he’d been raised in the most non-traditional family possible. It all boiled down to the pedestrian and immature fact that he didn’t want to be an outsider in the world he’d worked so hard to be part of.
It made him sick to think he was so weak and cowardly.
His mum’s hand was still on his face, and when the weight of his realization made him look down, she smacked his cheek. Startled, he snapped his head up and stared at her in confusion.
“I didn’t raise my children to put their fear of what society thinks over their own hearts,” she said, seeming genuinely angry with him, which came as a shock. “Yes, you’ve had a miraculous opportunity to reach for the life that will make you happy plunked suddenly into your lap this summer,” she went on. “But it has nothing whatsoever to do with fashion and everything to do with Graeme and Art. Which do you think would make you happier in the long run?”
“Yes, which?”
Ryan startled and turned to find Art standing just inside the studio, arms crossed, an impish grin on his face.
“I know which one I’d choose,” he said, letting his arms drop and walking slowly and saucily toward Ryan.
“And with that,” Janice said, raising her voice with a smile and stepping away from Ryan, “it’s exit stage right for me.”
She winked at Ryan then made a ridiculous show of tip-toeing out of the room, shutting the door most of the way, but leaving a gap as if she intended to listen in.
Ryan felt even more on the spot than ever. He squirmed and rolled his shoulders, fighting both his irritation at his mum and the undeniable stirring in his gut as Art closed the gap between them.
“How much of that did you overhear?” he asked, wanting to reach for Art and push him away simultaneously.
“Most of it,” Art said, eyes sparkling. “I’m sorry that you’re having a crisis of confidence, both with your collection and with us.”
It was clear to Ryan that “us” included Graeme.
“What am I supposed to do?” Ryan asked, softening his voice as Art boldly stopped in front of him and slid his arms around Ryan’s waist. “I do care about you, and Graeme, and I’m not outright against the idea of the three of us together.”
“But?” Art prompted him, surprisingly patient.
“But I also want my fashion career back,” Ryan said. Whatever it was that had been holding him back from being completely honest with the people he cared about so far, it was gone, leaving nothing but freedom and the need to say everything in its wake. “I love fashion. It’s all I ever wanted to do since I was a kid, playing around in the clothes room upstairs. I got so close to achieving my dream, closer than most peopleever get. Is it so wrong for me to want that as well as a satisfying relationship?”
“No, it’s not wrong at all,” Art said, staring at Ryan’s lips for a moment before meeting his eyes again. “I think it’s noble and ambitious and beautiful. I also think there’s not necessarily just one way to achieve everything you want to achieve.”
“Maybe not,” Ryan sighed, circling his arms around Art and loving the feel of it. “But even you, as horny as you are, have to admit that showing at London Fashion Week is the right opportunity, even if it’s at an impossible time.”
“Of course I do,” Art smiled. “That’s why I’m here to help you instead of defending my excavation to the faculty of my university.”
Ryan arched one eyebrow at him. “Are you supposed to be somewhere else right now?”
“No,” he said. “I’m supposed to be right here, in your arms, growing an erection I could fell a tree with.”
That was the tipping point. Ryan burst into laughter, some of the self-imposed restraints he’d locked around himself melting away. “Let me see if I can help you with that,” he said, then leaned in to slant his mouth over Art’s.
Kissing Art was the balm to his troubled soul that Ryan didn’t know he needed. Or maybe he knew but had been denying himself for too long. There was so much acceptance in Art’s lips, so much adoration in the way Art stroked his hands up under Ryan’s shirt to tease and touch his skin.
That touch sent fire pulsing through Ryan’s blood. He needed this. He needed a hot-blooded lover who could drag him out of his head with passion and remind him of the vital things in life.
“Desk,” he panted as their kisses and groping grew more intense.
“What?” Art said, allowing Ryan to pedal him back toward the huge, oak desk.
“I want you,” Ryan went on. “I want you right now. I’m sick of holding back because it isn’t right or because someone might judge us.”
