I take a deep breath and cross the distance between us, then drop to the step he’s sitting on. His words spin in my head as I try to find a loophole that lets me get close again while keeping a shred of dignity. I probably just want him too much, but that’s a classic move for me.
He did suggest I’m nice to be around though, so that has to count for something?
Time to be brave.
“I don’t think we are on the same page. I like you. A lot. I’ve got feelings for you. I want to be more than just your roommate with benefits.”
Corvus stills, then faces me with a surprised gasp, as if he wasn’t gorgeous, intelligent, and charming. Of course I’m falling for him. For the longest moment, silence is heavy between us, and I flinch when the light by the door dies, sinking us in darkness. “That’s… I’m flattered,” hesays in a breathy voice. “But why? I would marry you anyway. You’d have security, prestige—”
“I don’t know why! I just do. I can’t help how I feel.”
“Kemper told me you go through guys like they’re protein bars, so why develop feelings forme?”
I groan at the mention of the fucker’s name. “Jesus fucking Christ! The fuck does he know about my love life? He’s exactly what I don’t want to be. A guy in a marriage of convenience.”
“And what doyouknow about his love life? Does he have a mistress, or something?” Corvus asks, massaging his scalp with fingers I wish to kiss. They’re so long and elegant. He smells of tobacco, and cloves, and I want to bury my face in his hair to sate my addiction to him.
“I know because he hit on me, and I doubt they’re just open, because he boasted that she was out of town so we could go to his villa. It’s fucked up. I avoid married guys like the plague.”
“I… well, you might not believe me, but I didn’t plan for our marriage to be like that,” Corvus says softly, and I sense the ghost of his body heat on the side of my thigh. “It was meant to be honest. That’s why I… I did not conduct myself well at the tailor’s shop.”
I shrug. “The tailor didn’t deserve it, but I did. I’m a jealous fuck too. One of the many reasons I get dumped over and over again. Guys like what they see at first, but quickly work out I’m not the full package in one way or another. By then, I’m usually into them, like I can’t actually control myself. IwishI didn’t give a shit. Sure, sometimes it’s just about sex, I’m only a man, and my drive is high, but I’m not all cool and collected like you. I get into it fast and hard. Pun unintended.”
He’s quiet, and every passing second feels like the invisible rope around my neck’s tightening. He’s got enough shit to deal with. Whywould he waste his precious time on a fuckup like me? I’m about to rise when he places his hand on my knee.
“I don’t understand. Why would anyone not want you?”
To his credit, Corvus sounds puzzled. It’s kinda cute.
I chuckle even though there’s nothing funny about it. It’s like being asked ‘why are you still single?’ and expected to list all your flaws. “Not taking into account all the skeletons in my closet, let’s face it, I’m a mess. I struggle sorting out my taxes. I forget shit, my money situation’s… not great. As you know, by the way. I literally burned down your kitchen on day one. I also, as you can see,” I wave my hand around in frustration, and get flustered when the motion-activated light turns on and suddenly we see each other again. “I fall too fast and scare guys off. I’m a fun dick to ride, not boyfriend material.”
Corvus’s face is so open now, like when I’m inside him, and he’s pushed far enough to no longer feel self-conscious. He squeezes my knee. “It doesn’t matter to me that you’re not the best at paperwork, and that kind of stuff. I am. I can deal with it for you, and the rest of it—” He swallows, briefly pulling his teeth over his bottom lip. “I really like the rest, Dalton.”
Be still my heart, because this is not the time to be falling in love.
And yet, butterflies flutter, and my toes curl. I slide closer, and self-worth be damned, I want to be whatever he needs. I press my forehead against his, trembling when he gasps.
“I understand the marriage is just a way to cover the whole blunder at the hunt, that it’s far too much for you, but do we have to benothing? An arrangement? Can we not be… boyfriends? Privately?”
It’s needy.I’mneedy. But this is me holding back when what I want is to crawl under his skin and live there.
“Dalton…” Corvus’s voice is like a breeze I want to feel on my face every single day. “I... yes, of course we can. I mean… I did want us to be exclusive. Ihatedhow you flirted with that guy, and… the wedding in two weeks will be a formal agreement, but yes, we can date for real,” he says, taking hold of my hand.
Is it wrong that deep down I'm already thinking of my wedding vows? That I'm imagining him growing to love me over the years? He's the one who said no divorce, so it only makes sense that we will be a real couple, whatever that might mean for us.
I squeeze his hand as relief floods my system. “I’m all yours.” Saying that feels like giving a sated man a half-eaten apple for dessert, but I hope he finds it sweet when appetite hits him again.
Corvus exhales, his hand gliding across my back as he leans closer, pressing his body to mine. “I have something for you. Would you… accompany me to my workshop?” he asks, and I immediately know he’s referring to the place where he creates his poisons. I was only allowed in once, so this is a privilege I’m not going to scoff at.
My heart is so much lighter now I’m able to smile at Corvus. “I thought you just said we’re boyfriends. Now you want to poison me?”
He switches on the light and rolls his eyes at me, offering his hand. “Father always told me to get rid of the evidence,” he says so seriously for a moment I’m unsure whether he’s joking or not.
But then he’s pulling on my hand, and we drift up the stairs, all the way to the attic. Past the door is a large room reminiscent of one of those puzzle boxes that open once the right pieces are shifted. The floors, the ceiling with the huge roof window, and all walls are lined with the same wood in many smudged shades of brown.
This place holds even more books than the living room, and several chairs and sofas would make for a perfect reading area, but Corvus’s true kingdom is past a doorway, in yet another space designed for easy cleanup. Bundles of dried plants hang from the wall, and there’s all kinds of jars, organized by type and name. If it wasn’t for the steel tables and modern lab equipment, I would have said the place looks like the lair of a witch.
I suppose, considering Corvus’s profession, it is as close as I can get.
