I’m distracted from my thoughts when I feel her elbow urgently nudge my ribs and she leans in to say, ‘Hey, look. There are monkeys over there on the bank,’ with such wonder and joy in her voice it makes my heart flip.
I turn to look in the direction she’s pointing and see she’s right, there are three monkeys sitting on one of the flat rocks part-buried in the bank to the right of us, casually hanging out and watching as we sail past them.
Well, that’s fucking cool.
I turn back to her and smile, acutely aware of how special this shared moment is. I love the unguarded happiness she seems so willing to show me now. There’s no posturing here. It’s her pure, genuine reaction to something that gives her joy.
And it’s cost me nothing.
* * *
Chloe
I’m really glad Kit decided to come with me on this trip.
Especially as I just got to see a huge wave of water land solidly in his lap and his resulting comical reaction.
It was the funniest thing I’ve seen in a while.
He was a good sport about it though. I liked that. If it had been Adrian that had happened to, he’d have been bitching and moaning about it for the rest of the trip.
So that’s interesting.
In fact, having some space from Adrian has actually given me a chance to examine the real shape our relationship was in and stop skirting past the issues I’d told myself to ignore because ‘no-one’s perfect’.
I’d thought hewaspretty perfect for me once, because he seemed, on paper, to have everything I looked for in a partner: dependability, a strong work ethic, emotional intelligence and kindness.
But I’m now beginning to realise a lot of that was a smoke-screen, not just for me, but for his God-fearing parents too.
Since he was young, he’s felt the need to give everyone everything they wanted from him, like a true people-pleaser, but the pressure of this obviously got too much and his real needs and wants finally took over.
When I think about it now, I’m aware I was putting down his increasing withdrawal, and the distance that was growing between us, to him being stressed about the wedding.
I just saw what I wanted to see.
More fool me.
I wish he’d been brave enough to talk to me about how he was really feeling: trapped into something he didn’t really want, or more to the point, in the wrong place at the wrong time with the wrong person.
I’m suddenly aware I’ve been staring out at the bank with a frown on my face when Kit puts his hand onto my leg to get my attention.
‘You okay? I feel like I lost you there for a second.’
I give myself an internal shake and flash him a smile, the skin on my leg where he touched me blooming with delicious heat. ‘Yup, still very much here. Just thinking.’
‘About?’ he asks.
I shake my head. ‘Nothing of any consequence. I’m loving this though,’ I say, waving my hand at the lush scenery sliding past us as the boat moves into a wider part of the river.
We appear to be making a beeline towards another craft with a canopy stretched above it, which seems to be waiting for us to catch up with it.
As we draw alongside, I see it’s loaded with snacks and drinks for the occupants of our boat to buy and consume as we finish our journey along the river. A floating 7-Eleven, if you will.
‘Want anything?’ Kit asks me as a server on the boat comes within speaking distance of where we’re sitting.
‘I’ll have a peach juice please,’ I say, suddenly aware of how thirsty I am after spending an hour on the river in the sunshine.
Kit orders my drink and a Coke for himself and hands mine over, our fingers bumping as I take it from him.
