But he’s clearly sensed my stress, somehow, because he says, ‘Are you okay? Your whole body’s gone stiff. I can actually feel you vibrating.’
‘Yeah, I’m fine. I just stupidly started thinking about the wedding that wasn’t.’
‘Hmm,’ he murmurs. ‘That sucks. Dark thoughts always choose to rock up in the early hours, don’t they? When you’re emotionally at your weakest. At least, that’s been my experience.’
‘Yeah. It’s like my psyche’s trying to punish me for making bad decisions or something.’
‘Well, if it’s the cancelled wedding thing you’re talking about, I don’t think you have anything to be punished for. He’s the one who left it to the last second to make the bad fucking decisions. It shouldn’t be on you to pay for them.’
I give a little hiccoughy laugh, feeling a lone tear escape from my eye. ‘Unfortunately, I don’t think it works like that.’
I feel Kit move his arm and the next thing I know, he’s gently brushing my hair away from my face and smoothing his hand across my scalp in such a tender gesture I almost start crying for real.
But I manage to hold it in. Somehow.
There’s a moment’s pause before he asks, ‘Were you really happy with What’s-his-name though?’
‘Adrian?’ I pause and swallow down the lump in my throat. ‘Yeeees,’ I say, forcing my voice to remain steady. ‘At least, I thought I was.’
‘I only ask because I was surprised when you got together with him. He didn’t seem like the type of guy you’d go for.’ His voice is tinged with disdain, in a way that makes me believe he thinks I settled for less than I deserved.
‘No, well, sure. He was really different to you, which is what I needed at that point. I didn’t have to compete for his attention and he made me feel really cared for and wanted.’
Kit lets out a breath through his nose. ‘I wanted you.’
I huff out a strained laugh. ‘I mean not just sexually.’
There’s a long pause, before he says, ‘We were good together though, right?’
‘If you’re trying to get me to say that sex with you was better than with Adrian then you can move along. I’m not here to boost your ego.’
I feel him tense behind me. ‘Why are you here?’
I pause and swallow hard. ‘Good question. I don’t know. I told myself it’d be better to avoid being anywhere near you while we were both here but somehow I’ve not been able to stay away.’
‘Yeah, I noticed.’ I hear the smile in his voice.
‘All right. Please don’t go back to being the entitled prick I accused you of being all those years ago,’ I joke.
‘Falselyaccused.’
‘If you say so.’
I feel him lift his hand from my hair and rub it over his eyes. ‘You know, I wonder whether you took some of the things I said back then a bit too seriously?’
I shrug my free shoulder. ‘Maybe. I was a lot more gullible and uptight and a lot less street-smart back then, that’s for sure.’
‘Yeah. You seem more chill now. I mean, we never could have had a serious conversation back then. We weren’t on the same page, emotionally.’
‘I think we were world-class at misunderstanding each other back then,’ I agree.
‘In some ways.’
‘Not in all, true.’
‘We always seemed pretty much on the same page when it came to sex.’
‘We did. And we still are, it seems.’
