To my relief, I feel him slide his hands up my inner thighs to my pussy and he uses his fingertips to part my folds and open me up to his exploration.
The feeling of being handled so confidently like this is incredible.
Then one of his fingers slides easily inside me and he presses downwards, in the way he knows I love.
It’s so familiar a feeling, yet also so alien, my mind starts to spin. I have that sensation again that I’ve stepped into a parallel universe. Or maybe gone back in time?
Whatever it is, it pulls me out of my total physical absorption and brings me back to the side of the hot tub where I’m aware of my wrists aching a little from the pressure of me leaning on the heels of my hands, and of the cool night air on my exposed skin, and of the fact that I’m out in the open, with Kit going down on me.
Kit.
The sound of voices and laughter in the distance penetrate through the remaining fog of my desire, and a sudden wave of acute awareness about exactly what we’re doing washes over me, killing my carefree mood.
This is crazy.
I’m only days out of a relationship – anengagement, for fuck’s sake – and I’ve already got a guy’s head between my legs. Not just any guy either, a dangerously attractive guy with whom I have no real chance of a future.
But isn’t that the point?
Angst is working its way up from my stomach to my throat now though, like creeping acid, and I’m suddenly hit with the clear realisation that I should stop this.
It’s not the right time.
‘Wait, wait. Actually, this is – it’s going too fast. It’s too soon,’ I blurt.
Kit pauses what he’s doing and looks up at me, a concerned frown on his face. ‘You sure? Obviously, if you want to stop, we’ll stop.’
The sudden loss of his deft touch is torturous and for a second, I consider telling him to ignore me and carry on. That I made a mistake.
But I don’t. I’m clearly not in my right mind just now to let this go as far as it has. Though I don’t blame Kit one bit. I agreed to it. It’s on me.
‘I can’t.’ I can feel my frown creasing my forehead. ‘I shouldn’t.’ I shake my head, trying to wake myself up from the lingering dream state I’ve been in. ‘I should go.’
‘Okay,’ he says, fully backing away from me now and holding up both hands as if in surrender.
‘Yeah. Thanks.’
I reach behind me and snag my tankini bottoms with my fingertips, then proceed to pull them back on, my fingers fumbling and clumsy.
‘If you change your mind, you know where I am,’ he says.
‘I won’t.’
I stand up unsteadily, my legs like jelly.
‘Okay.’
Turning back, I give him a beseeching look, holding my hands open on either side of me. ‘Look, it’s just?—’
He raises his own hands again in a display of capitulation. ‘You don’t need to explain. It’s fine. Really. No big deal.’
I nod jerkily. ‘Okay. Thanks. I – err…’ I suck in a breath. ‘Bye, Kit.’ Then I turn and stumble away from him, not looking back.
‘See ya, Dash,’ he says behind me.
6
KIT
