‘I’m just kidding around,’ I reassure her.
‘Yeah, I know. Though honestly, back then I didn’t care how much money you had. I liked you because you made me laugh and we had chemistry.’
I release my pose and sit forwards in my chair, locking my gaze with hers. ‘And I’m smoking in bed.’
‘Jesus.’ She closes her eyes, her lips fighting another smile.
‘What?’
Opening them again, she looks straight at me. ‘You’re so damn performative. You always were.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘It’s like you’re trying to prove something all the time. Why do you do that? No-one here’s judging you, especially not me.’
I blink at her, bristling at her words. ‘Still not pulling your punches I see.’
She shrugs. ‘I don’t need to with you. I feel like I can be totally honest without worrying about pissing you off because you know and understand me. And anyway, I’m not in the mood for boosting men’s egos right now, I’m afraid. Feel free to get up and leave if you like. I’m very happy to be on my own if I’m not the sort of company you’re after right now. I’d totally understand.’
‘Okay, okay, point taken. Maybe I was being a bit of a dick there,’ I say, holding up my hands in surrender and moderating my tone to light-hearted ribbing. ‘No more posturing, I promise.’ I chase this statement with a grin.
She rubs a hand over her eyes. ‘Look, sorry if I’m coming across as a bit abrasive,’ she says with passion in her voice, ‘but I’ve come to realise recently, after what happened with Adrian, that it doesn’t pay to be nice all the time. Be a good person, sure – a kind person when it’s called for – but beingnicemeans you get walked over and left behind. I’m not prepared to have that happen to me again. So I’m setting boundaries and sticking to them and being honest about what I need in order to be happy – as happy as I can be.’ She points at her chest. ‘I’m taking care of me now.’
Her gaze drops from mine and she reaches for her sake again, taking another long sip of it.
There’s a weird sort of tension hanging in the air between us now that I’m not sure how to break.
Maybe this was a bad idea, sitting together.
She continues to stare down at the table, blinking rapidly, and it suddenly hits me that she’s trying to hold back tears.
‘Are you okay?’ I ask gently.
‘I just feel so stupid,’ she says, so quietly I barely hear it.
‘Stupid? Why?’
‘Because I didn’t see it. With Adrian. It was there, right under my nose. So obvious, now I think about it.’
‘I hope you’re not blaming yourself,’ I say hotly. ‘He’s the stupid dickhead for cheating on you.’
She nods, but still doesn’t look up at me.
‘Seriously, Dasher. The guy’s an absolute tool for treating you like that.’
‘Can we change the subject?’ she says. Her voice sounds strangled, like she’s still trying to stop the tears.
‘Yeah, sure. Of course.’ I fold my arms and sit back in my chair. ‘Tell me about what you’re planning to do while you’re here in Kyoto.’
I watch as she shuffles in her seat, gives a little cough then sits up straighter, pushing her shoulders back and finally lifting her chin to look at me and give another tight smile. Her eyes are a little bloodshot, and a mixture of empathy for her pain and anger at her twat-of-an-ex for making her feel like that threads through me.
She deserves better than to be treated like that.
We both deserve better.
Especially from the people who we thought loved us.
Not seeming to notice my internal turmoil, she launches into outlining her plans for while she’s staying here.
