Soli’s stomach twisted even harder, making her feel a bit sick. Now she was imagining the two of them in bed together, waking up and smiling at each other in mutual adoration before rolling together and?—
No. Not going there right now.
‘Well, I’d better get back to Neil – he’ll be sending out a search party if I don’t show myself soon. He’s turned into something of a worrier since I fell pregnant. Calls me umpteen times a day to make sure I haven’t gone into labour unexpectedly and forgotten to phone him!’
She shook her head, but from the way she was beaming, Soli could tell she didn’t mind this show of over-the-top possessiveness one little bit.
She could understand that. It must be wonderful for someone to love and worry about you that much.
‘When are you due?’ she asked, to cover the slightly awkward atmosphere that throbbed between them all now.
‘Three weeks. I can’t wait, to be honest – I feel like an elephant lumbering around!’
She really didn’t look like one though; she was carrying all at the front, so if you saw her from the back Soli bet you wouldn’t even know she was pregnant.
‘Oh, by the way,’ she said, turning to Xavier, ‘happy birthday for Wednesday. Are you doing anything special for it?’ She glanced between the two of them with interest.
Soli tensed as an intense desire to protect Xavier from the hurt this woman had caused him mixed with a sting of her own hurt that he hadn’t even mentioned his birthday to her.
‘Yes, of course, but it’s a big surprise,’ she lied quickly, giving her a covert wink in the hope she’d believe the bluff. No way was she having this woman thinking she wasn’t as good a partner to Xavier as Harriet had been in the past.
But then, Soli hadn’t shredded his heart and humiliated him in front of the people he loved and respected most in the world, so she was already one up on her.
‘Sweetheart, I’m so sorry to drag you away early but this migraine seems set to stay,’ she said to Xavier, linking her fingers through his and feeling him squeeze her hand in silent thanks. ‘It was good to meet you, Harriet. Good luck with the baby,’ she said, giving the woman one last smile and a nod, then pulling subtly on Xavier’s hand.
‘Bye, Harriet,’ Xavier said, falling into step with her as they walked back towards the house. They made a swift exit through the huge throng of people who were now milling around the large garden and made it back to the car without encountering any objections to their leaving.
‘Thanks,’ was all Xavier said as he pulled the car out of the parking space and set off back to their house.
Soli waited until they were driving down the main road into Hampstead before she asked, ‘Are you okay?’
He didn’t answer her immediately, just kept staring ahead at the road. ‘Yeah, I’m fine,’ he said eventually, though he really didn’t sound it.
‘I take it you didn’t know she was pregnant?’
There was a heavy pause in which he stared at the road ahead again. ‘No, I didn’t.’
‘How did it make you feel?’ she asked tentatively.
He turned to glance at her and the expression in his eyes made her stomach sink to the floor. ‘Not great, to be honest.’ He dragged in a sharp breath. ‘The main reason she gave for not wanting to marry me was that I wanted to have kids, but she didn’t. She thought having a family would mean she wouldn’t be able to focus on her career – that it’d hold her back.’ His jaw clenched tight before he spoke again, as if he was fighting with his emotions. ‘But I guess she did want kids after all – just not with me.’
Soli’s stomach dropped even lower, making her feel nauseous on his behalf. ‘Oh, Xavier, I’m so sorry.’
He shrugged. ‘She probably had it right. I’d have been a terrible father and a selfish husband. I’ve been so focused on work and building my company I probably wouldn’t have given my relationships priority – as I’m sure you’ve noticed,’ he added with a grimace. There was a heavy pause before he cleared his throat and said, ‘It was for the best that we didn’t get married.’
She wanted to reassure him, to tell him that he had it all wrong, but she couldn’t. She didn’t know him well enough to be able to say something like that and he knew it.
Her heart went out to him. No wonder he was so unwilling to get close to someone again. Anybody would be wary of allowing themselves to love and trust if they’d been through what he had.
She wanted to help somehow, so much it made her chest physically ache.
But do what?
Taking a breath, she gave him a supportive smile as an idea began to form in her head.
She might not be able to do anything about the past, but she could definitely do something about the future.
Acknowledging a small but insistent voice in her head reminding her not to get too emotionally involved – because she knew, deep down, that if she set out on that path it would be almost impossible to turn back – she assured herself she would only do it to make their time together more enjoyable, and perhaps to say thank you to Xavier for giving her the chance to make a better life for herself and her family.
