He looked at her again, his expression softer now with what she thought might be appreciation for her understanding.
‘It wasn’t great, but then no one’s life is perfect, right?’
‘True,’ she said, giving him a supportive smile.
There was another heavy pause as they just looked at each other again and Soli felt a strange sort of pulse beat between them.
‘Any more?’ Xavier said, breaking the tension.
‘Any more what?’ she asked, a little shaken by the atmosphere that had formed.
‘Questions,’ he said pointedly.
‘Oh! Yes. Okay.’ Pulling herself together, she asked, ‘What would you regret not having said to someone if you were to unexpectedly die this evening?’
He raised a wry eyebrow, his eyes twinkling with mirth.
‘Don’t worry, I’m not thinking about doing you in,’ she added with a grin, then muttered, ‘yet,’ waggling her eyebrows in jest.
He came really close to properly smiling at that and her heart did a little dance of joy.
‘Hmm, I don’t know,’ he said thoughtfully. ‘I guess I wish I’d had a chance to tell my great-aunt how much I appreciated her taking me under her wing like she did. I don’t know what would have happened to me if she hadn’t.’
Soli became aware of tears pooling in her eyes. ‘I’m glad you had her. She sounds like an amazing woman.’
‘She was.’
Blinking away her tears and pointing at her eyes, then wafting her hands at either side of them with a strained smile of embarrassment, she asked, ‘When did you last cry in front of someone?’
He frowned, but didn’t meet her eyes. ‘I’m not a crier.’
‘Really? You never cry?’
‘Not in front of other people, no.’ He shifted a little in his seat and crossed his arms. ‘And it’s been years since I cried on my own.’
‘Oh. Okay, then.’ There was something so heart-wrenching about this, it actually caused her physical pain deep in her chest. How awful that he didn’t feel he could express his sorrow in front of someone else.
‘I cry in front of people all the time,’ she said with a self-deprecating grin. ‘I find it cathartic. I always feel better afterwards, though sometimes I’m embarrassed by how easily I do it. I cry at anything even remotely sad,’ she said, feeling tears pushing at the backs of her eyes again just from thinking about it.
His shoulders had stiffened as if he was really uncomfortable now and he glanced down at his watch, as if wanting to escape from the conversation.
This was confirmed when he said, ‘Anyway, Soli, it’s been an interesting exercise, but I really do have some work to do this evening, so I’m going to say goodnight.’
‘Okay,’ she said, watching him get up from the sofa, feeling a swell of satisfaction from getting as far as she had.
It was early days yet, but at least she knew a bit more about him now.
His emotional unavailability made more sense now she knew more about how he’d been ignored by his parents during his childhood. She felt truly sorry for the poor, lonely little boy he must have been growing up, not having a family who loved him or a home to come back to during his breaks from school. What must that do to a child? To not feel wanted by the people who were supposed to love you unconditionally?
It was a horrible thought.
Well, she’d make sure she did her very best to support him in the months to come. She’d need to be careful not to get dragged into an emotional quicksand where Xavier was concerned – it wouldn’t be sensible to allow herself to actually fall for the guy, she reminded herself with a strange pulse of panic – but she could be a friend to him, as he’d suggested.
Yes, that was exactly what they both really needed at this juncture in their lives.
A good friend.
7
