The thought was terrifying. And a little thrilling.
The V-Live continued for another thirty minutes. Hwan sang a bit of an unreleased song (the chat lost its collective mind). He showed off a new pair of shoes someone had sent him. He talked about the upcoming comeback with carefully vague enthusiasm, teasing details without revealing anything the company hadn't approved.
Through it all, I watched.
Not the performance — him. The subtle shifts in his expression when he thought the camera wouldn't catch them. The way he kept touching his wrist, right where he'd scent-marked me, like he could still feel me there. The moments when his real smile broke through the manufactured one, brief flashes of genuine warmth that made my chest ache.
"Okay, okay, I have to go!" He was winding down now, waving at the camera with both hands, his energy still impossibly bright even after thirty minutes of performance. "But I'll be back soon, I promise! Love you, my Soul!! Take care of yourselves! Eat well! Sleep lots! Bye bye bye!"
He held the smile until the broadcast ended, until the viewer count dropped to zero, until the screen confirmed the live was over. Then his shoulders dropped. The transformation reversed itself — the performance face melting away, the tension draining from his posture, the megawatt smile fading into something smaller and more real. He scrubbed a hand over his face and let out a long breath.
"God, that's exhausting." He muttered it mostly to himself, apparently forgetting I was there, his voice rough and stripped of its earlier sparkle as he slumped back in his chair.
"You're really good at it." I said it quietly, and watched him startle, his head snapping toward me like he'd genuinely forgotten I was in the room.
"Oh. Right. You're still..." He turned to face me fully, something uncertain in his expression as he ran a hand through his hair, messing up the careful styling. "Sorry. That was probably weird for you. Watching me do the... the whole thing."
I pushed off from the wall and crossed the room to stand in front of him. Up close, I could see the faint shadows under his eyes that the ring light had hidden. The slight pallor beneath the carefully applied glow.
"Can I tell you something?" I kept my voice gentle, not wanting to spook him now that the performance mask was fully off. He nodded, wariness flickering in his gaze as he watched me approach, his body tensing slightly like he was bracing for criticism.
"I like this version better." I reached out and touched his cheek — the first time I'd initiated contact like this, and I felt his breath catch, saw his eyes widen slightly at the touch. "The real one. After the camera's off."
For a long moment, he didn't speak. Just looked at me with those dark eyes that held flecks of amber, something raw and vulnerable swimming in their depths.
"Most people prefer the performance." His voice came out rough, barely above a whisper, cracking slightly on the last word. "It's shinier. More fun. This version is just... tired. And worried. And kind of a mess."
"This version is real." I let my thumb trace his cheekbone, the same gesture he'd done to me in the practice room, feeling the warmth of his skin beneath my fingertips. "The other one is impressive, but it's not you. Not really."
His eyes went glassy. He blinked rapidly, and I watched him fight for composure, his jaw tightening with the effort to hold himself together.
"Keira..." He said my name like it hurt, like the single word was being pulled from somewhere deep in his chest, raw and aching. "You can't just say things like that."
"Why not?" I held his gaze, refusing to look away from whatever I might find there.
"Because I'll start believing them." He turned his face into my palm, pressing a kiss to the center of it, his lips warm and soft against my skin as his eyes fluttered closed. "Because I'll start thinking you actually mean it."
"I do mean it." I stepped closer, close enough that I could smell his scent mixing with the traces of mine on his wrist, close enough to feel the heat radiating from his body. "The sunshine thing you do — it's incredible. I watched fifty thousand people fall in love with it in real time. But the person underneath... the one who's tired and worried and kind of a mess? That's the one I'm getting to know. That's the one I..."
I trailed off, not sure how to finish the sentence. That's the one I like? That's the one I'm drawn to? That's the one I might be falling for?
All of it felt too big, too fast, too much. Hwan seemed to understand anyway. He pulled me into his arms, his face pressing into my hair, and just held me. No kiss this time, noheat building between us. Just closeness. Connection. The bond humming with quiet contentment.
"Jin-ho's going to kill me." His voice was muffled against my hair, warm breath ghosting across my scalp as he spoke into the strands.
"Why?" I asked the question into his shoulder, not pulling away from the warmth of his embrace.
"Because I'm definitely going to make him look bad tomorrow." He pulled back just enough to grin at me, that real smile that made my chest ache, his eyes crinkling at the corners with genuine amusement. "He'll do something sensitive and artistic and I'll have already set the bar impossibly high with my incredible dance moves and emotional vulnerability."
I laughed despite myself, the sound escaping before I could stop it. "Your ego is incredible."
"It's a defense mechanism." He was still grinning, dimple appearing in his left cheek as he shrugged one shoulder. "But also I'm just that talented."
A knock on the doorframe made us both turn. Jin-ho stood there, notebook tucked under his arm, his expression unreadable as he surveyed the scene before him — Hwan's arms still loosely around my waist, our bodies pressed close together.
"Dinner's ready." His deep voice was carefully neutral, giving nothing away as his dark eyes moved between us. "Min-jun made enough for a small army. As usual."
"When does he not?" Hwan released me reluctantly, his fingers trailing down my arm before letting go, the touch sending a shiver across my skin even as he turned toward Jin-ho with a casual smile. "Come on, little omega. Let's go see what hyung made."
