“I would love nothing more than to do some of those things with you. But, we need to get this over with.” He stands up, decision made. He holds out his hand to me. I take it and let him pull me to my feet.
It doesn’t take us long to go through the closet and dresser. We have trash bags ready for items that need to be thrown out and those in good enough condition to be donated.
I keep a stack of Ethan’s T-shirts, thinking it might be cool to make a quilt or something out of them for my parents. As promised, once we’re finished with Ethan’s clothes, Sam has some plum wine ready for me. But I don’t take it.
It’s been several months since Ethan died, and it’s not that I’m over it; you don’t get over death. It’s just that things feel easier, lighter, with Sam around.
I move over to the bed and pull off the bedding. Sam inspects the pillows and, finding them suitable enough, puts them into the donate pile.
“What do you think about the mattress? It looks like it’s in good condition.”
“I can’t sleep on his mattress,” I say matter-of-factly.
“It’s the same size as the one in the guest room. Why don’t we swap it?”
“Sammy?”
“Yes?”
“Could we swap out all the furniture? I’ve gotten used to the stuff in the guest room, and I think it would make sleeping in here a little easier.”
“That’s a great idea. How about we start with moving the guest room furniture into the living room, and then we can move this stuff out and set it up as we go?”
“Ok.” I was worried he might think my request was silly.
We spend the next couple of hours rearranging furniture. By the time we finish setting both rooms back up, I’m grateful that Sam brought extra food.
We sit down on the couch with our food, and Sam turns on the TV. I don’t even realize I’ve been staring at him until his eyes catch mine, playfulness showing in their chocolate brown depths. “What is it, Kat?” His tone is light.
“Thanks. For everything. It wasn’t as bad as I expected, but I couldn’t have done all of this without you. So, thanks.”
“I’m happy to help. It didn’t take as long as I thought it would. You’re pretty strong for how scrawny you look.” He playfully ruffles my hair, and I glower at him. He laughs and then goes back to finding a movie for us to watch. “Indiana JonesorAvengers?”
“You choose.” He enamors me, and I can’t imagine I’ll be watching much of whatever he puts on.
Once we’re finished eating our second dinner, I snuggle up to him on the couch, lying my head on his lap. Sam relaxes into the couch as he props his feet onto the coffee table and runs his hand through my hair. I hear a slight rustling and feel the weight of the blanket he puts over my body.
I’m startled awake and realize Sam is carrying me. “Shhh, it’s ok. I’m just taking you to bed.” I wrap my arm around his neck and lean into him more. Once in my room, he gently lays me down and pulls the covers over me.
I look up at him as he leans down and places a soft kiss on my forehead.
“Goodnight, Kat. I’ll call you tomorrow.”
I reach for his hand, stopping him from leaving. “Stay with me?”
Sam nods, removes his shirt and shorts, and climbs in next to me. We lie next to each other, and the silence feels suffocating.
Why does this feel awkward?
I move closer to him, pick up his arm, and lay my head on his chest, wrapping my arm around his middle. He relaxes into me and wraps his arm around my body, pulling me closer to him.
He kisses the top of my head. “Goodnight, Kat.”
I kiss his chest. “Goodnight, Sammy.”
Sixteen Years Old
Sam holds his hand out to me. “Will you dance with me, Kat?”
