When our drinks are ready, we continue walking.
I take my first sip and groan. It's so good. I realize Sam is looking at me, a smirk on his face. “You sure you aren’t trying to ditch me?”
He rolls his eyes dramatically. “You're exhausting sometimes,” he growls out.
It isn’t until Sam stops walking and looks up that I realize we’re standing in front of the Space Needle.
“Wait, are we going to the top?” I beam up at him.
He just smiles down at me.
I’m giddy as we make our way to the observation deck. I’m in absolute awe as I look out at the 360-degree floor-to-ceiling windows. Briefly looking around the area, I can’t decide where I want to look first when Sam takes my elbow and guides me to the side overlooking the water.
“Wow. It's gorgeous!” I gasp as I gaze out at this incredible view. I look up at Sam, and he smile down at me, that stupid dimple in his left cheek making an entrance.
“I knew you would love it. I also got tickets to the Chihuly Garden and Glass. But we can stay here for as long as you want, Kitty Kat.” He dips his head and looks at the ground.
I step close to him and hug him around his waist. He wraps his arms around me, and pulls me in closer to him.
“Thank you, Sammy. I’ve wanted to come here since I moved to Seattle. Thanks for planning this and putting up with my grumpiness. This means more than I can tell you.”
“You’re very welcome.” He kisses the top of my head, and before I can process his sweet kiss, he quickly steps back. I think I see a blush forming on his cheeks, but he turns from me before I can fully take him in.
Sam has never kissed me before.
We spend a few hours just admiring the view and chatting about how different Seattle is from Charleston. It isn’t until we’re leaving to go to Chihuly Garden and Glass that I realize I haven’t thought of Kevin once. I couldn’t be moregrateful for Sam.
***
Present Day
Once our Thanksgiving feast is ready, we all sit together at the table. I’m sitting between Mom and Sam.
We have a tradition of going around the table and saying one thing we are thankful for that year before we start eating.
Dad always starts. “Well, I just want to thank you for being here. It’s difficult this year because we have an empty chair.” He clears his throat before continuing, “I’m thankful this year for all of you. For your support. Your grace and, most importantly, the love you show us every day.” I smile at him. Every year, he always shares thoughtful things for which he is grateful.
Ethan and I always put little effort into what we said—usually something about bikes, video games, or ice cream.
“This year, I’m thankful for good memories that I’ll carry with me always.” Mom’s voice is sure, but I see her eyes glisten with unshed tears.
It’s my turn, and I’m not sure what to say. I should have been thinking about it. Especially since I knew this was coming. My leg bounces under the table until I feel Sam’s warm hand on my knee; he gives it a reassuring squeeze. I don’t dare look at him.
I internally chastise myself for not thinking this through and speak without knowing what to say, “I guess…” Looking around the room, I try to come up with something I am thankful for at this moment. “I’m thankful for open doors and new opportunities.” I look down at my empty plate and shrink into my chair, trying to make myself smaller so the attention moves on from me.
I worry my words sound disingenuous. But I guess it’s true. Iamthankful for this new friendship, or whatever it is, with Sam. I’m also excited about the possibility of moving back to Charleston.
“I’m thankful for renewed friendships and the possibility for a new future.” I see Sam looking at me out of the corner of my eye. I can only assume his words are meant for me. I tune out everyone else while I try to unravel Sam’s meaning.
Thinking back to our conversation on our drive here, I believe he told me the truth—that he’s had feelings for me just like I’ve had for him. But somehow my mind still wants to fight that.
I’ve dated a lot since that terrible night in Seattle. But I’ve never really gotten close to anyone. There’s always been a part of me that felt like something was missing with these other guys.
Philip is a good example. He’s the opposite of Sam in nearly every way. I think that’s why Philip felt comfortable. Felt… safe. I don’t think I ever truly opened myself up to Philip. At least not where it mattered.
Despite his asking several times, I refused to let him meet my parents, even though we had dated for a little over a year. My family is everything to me, and I refused to share that piece of myself with him.
Because deep down, I knew we wouldn’t last—he wasn’t Sam. I knew Philip couldn’t fill the void left by Sam’s absence. I wonder if Sam has felt the same.
