Except that Sam doesn’t know what he means to me. Ethan—fuck, Ethan did.
Of course, he knew I loved him.
I hold his hands as I speak quietly, “Things would not be easier if it had been you, Sam.Lifewould not be easier for any of us.” I kiss both of his hands before I let them go and softly place my hands on each side of his face. “Please look at me.”
His eyes finally meet mine, and I continue speaking, “Don’t ever say something like that again. Don’t even think it.” I plant a gentle kiss on his cheek. “Please don’t ever think that things would be easier for me without you.Iwould not be better if you weren’t here. I need you, Sam.”
He breaks at my words. Sam grips my waist, pulling me to him. I hold him tight against me as his body wracks with sobs. Rubbing soothing patterns up and down his muscular back, I nuzzle my cheekinto his chest, breathing in the faint scent of his cologne—pines and the salty sea air.
When his body stops shaking, I speak again, “I think I’ve been feeling pretty lost without him. I’m angry that he isn’t here. I was upset about what you were saying, but I know you’re right. I can’t lose myself and lock myself up. I shouldn’t have lashed out at you. That wasn’t fair.” The words are slightly muffled as I say them into his chest.
He grips me tighter. Sam’s voice is little more than a whisper when he speaks again, “he would know what to say, what to do, to make things better. I'm so lost without him.”
He leans back just enough to look down at me while keeping me locked in his arms. He kisses the top of my head before whispering. “You should go back to bed; I’ll grab us some breakfast before we head out in the morning, so don’t worry if I’m not here when you wake.”
I shake my head no at him. He looks at me like he’s about to argue. I speak up before he gets the wrong idea, “I don’t want you to sleep on the couch.” He flinches, so I hurry on. “I’m not kicking you out, Sam. You’re much too big for the couch.” I gesture toward it. “I’m asking you to sleep in my bed.”
The surprise that flashes across his face makes me want to laugh, but this isn’t the time for that.
“We can put pillows down the middle if that makes you feel more comfortable. But my bed will be way more comfortable than that thing.” I gesture toward the couch again.
“Afraid I might get handsy with you?” He offers me a sad smile.
I look down at the floor to avoid his gaze when I speak because I wish hewouldtouch me. “No. I…”
I’m unable to resist the blush rising to my cheeks in embarrassment when I realize he must be teasing me. I smack his arm. “Come on.” I grab his hand and pull him towards my room.
Idon’t know how I fell asleep with Samuel. Fucking. Harris. In my bed. But here I am, all but lying on top of him—my head on his chest, arm around his middle, and one leg between his. One of his arms is wrapped around me, the other is above his head.
Shit! I can’t let him know I’ve practically attacked him while he slept!
Slowly, I work to extract myself from him and sigh in relief when he doesn’t wake.
I make it halfway to my bedroom door when his voice startles me, and I let out an embarrassing squeak.
“Where are you sneaking off to?” His voice is gravelly with sleep.
The first thing I see when I turn around is his big grin with that heartbreaking dimple peeking out. His hair is slightly messy from sleep. I smile back at him. “I wasn’t sneaking. Just didn’t want to wake you.” He looks like he doesn’t believe me. “I was going to be nice and get you some breakfast.”
Sam props himself up on one arm. “That’s only fair since I didn’t even get dinner before we slept together.” He says it without any humor.
I choke on… nothing.
I’m. Choking. On. Nothing.
Sam laughs as I cough and try to remember how to breathe.
Once my coughing fit is over, I glare at him. “I don’t think you deserve any breakfast after that.”
“Hmmm.” Sam looks around my room, and sits up fully, as if he’s just realized where he is for the first time.
My bedroom is simple, with large paintings of bright blue flowers that add texture and brightness to the white walls.
Large windows on one side overlook the community garden. Dappled light shines through the sheer curtains hanging across the length of the window, in front of which a leather sling-back chair sits. Ethan's skateboard still sits on the floor next to the chair. I have a couple of books neatly stacked on a small round coffee table next to the chair. It’s the perfect place to relax with a good book and a glass of wine. My favorite part is that the chair is large enough that I can easily curl up in it.
My bed is situated in the center of the wall. Nightstands that match the coffee table sit on either side of the bed. The only things I keep on my nightstand are my alarm clock, phone charger, and a reusable water bottle.
His gaze returns to me. “Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed. I was a little worried about that orange thing you call a couch. It was so lumpy, I don’t think I would have been able to walk this morning.” He’s still smiling so big.
