“Oh, what a terrible world you have to live in right now,” I laugh out. It feels good to laugh when everything feels so heavy.
“Whatever, you know what I mean. My talent is being squandered on white pillows with white flowers embroidered on them.” She sips on her wine.
“Not everyone wants an orange couch like you, babe.”
“It’s tragic, isn’t it?”
“The couch? Yes.”
Liv sticks her tongue out at me before standing up and putting her dirty dishes into the dishwasher. We both have early mornings so we say goodnight and make our way to our separate rooms.
As I lie in bed that night, my only thoughts are of Sam. His gentleness with me over the last few days. The way he took hold of my hand with ease, like we’ve been holding hands forever. The way his hand felt in mine. The gnawing absence I feel without him. I finally drift to sleep thinking about his small kisses on my forehead or my cheek.
***
Ispend the next couple of days preparing for my hearing on Thursday and catching up on things my office couldn’t get to while I was out. I wish I could have called Ethan a few times. Mostly just to have him talk me up about this hearing, or to just listen to me practice and give me feedback. My heart breaks a little more each time I reach for the phone to call him.
I try to shove Sam out of my thoughts. I know I promised we would talk, and we will. I just can’t wrap my head around everything yet.
Thursday morning, I wake to a text from Sam.
Good luck with your hearing this morning! Call me later and tell me about it.
I can't believe he remembered.
Thanks, Sam. It's a pretty routine hearing and I'm expecting it to go well.
I can call around 6 if you aren't busy then?
I'll be impatiently waiting until then.
His response gives me butterflies, but I quickly push those feelings aside because I have to focus on my hearing today. I wasn’t lying. It is pretty routine. But I’m still a relatively new attorney, and speaking in front of a judge still makes me sweaty.
I practice what I’m going to say in front of a mirror in my bedroom several times, and a few more times in the car as I drive to work. I don’t know if this helps, but it helps calm my nerves, even if I still feel like I’m going to drench my suit in sweat when it's my turn to speak.
***
Igot through my hearing and wrap up a few things when my mind starts drifting back to Sam. Glancing at the clock, I see it's 5:30 p.m. My stomach is in knots—I’ve got 30 minutes left. Will it be weird or awkward?
By the time I get home and change my clothes, it’s already 6:00 p.m. I’m talking myself into picking up the phone and calling Sam, but my nerves have my stomach in knots.
In a moment of strength, or maybe weakness, I pick up my phone, put in my earbuds, and click on his number. He answers on the second ring.
“Hey, how was your day?” He sounds happy to hear from me.
“It was good. Long. But good.”
“Did you eat dinner yet?”
“No, Mother Hen. I haven’t eaten yet.” I laugh as I walk into the kitchen and grab a bottle of wine and a glass. “I lost track of time and just got home.”
“Tell me about your hearing while you get some dinner.”
Heating my leftovers and eating, I tell Sam about my hearing and my job overall. He asks thoughtful questions, which tells me he’s listening and engaged in the conversation. I don't feel like I'm boring him.
“Tell me about your day, Sam. Did you go hiking with your dad?”
“As a matter of fact, we did go hiking. We went along part of the Palmetto trail at Francis Marion and then stopped to grab some cheese biscuits for dinner.”
