His words hit me like a punch to my gut. My palms start to sweat, and I feel the temperature in my cheeks rise. “You told him not to tell me? Wh… Why would you do that? Why didn’t you want me to know, Sam?”
“It isn’t that I didn’t want you to know.” Sam’s words are rushed, and his voice rises slightly. He takes a deep breath. “Kat, wedidn’t exactly end things on great terms.” His hands grip the steering wheel as he navigates the streets. “Despite seeing each other over the years since then, I know you’ve been avoiding me.”
I was avoiding him. But that doesn’t exactly explain why he didn’t want me to know.
He takes another deep breath before continuing. “I was in a dark place. I was struggling daily with my accident and recovery.”
He glances at me briefly before turning his attention back to the road. My eyes haven’t left his face. I watch every expression flit across his handsome features. I get the sense he doesn’t want to have this conversation, so I remain quiet.
“I’d never been in so much pain in my life before that. There were days it was hard to just get out of bed. My recovery was slow, with physical therapy kicking my ass every day. Truthfully, my mental health kind of tanked.”
He sighs and I can’t stop staring at him. I feel stupid realizing I had no idea any of this was happening.
“I didn’t want you to know because… I didn’t want that to be the reason that you finally let me back into your life. We have a lot to talk about.” He shrugs. “I couldn’t stomach my accident and recovery being the reason you—I think I would have always wondered if you felt like you had to talk to me rather than wanting to talk to me.”
I let his words sink in, and I know he’s right. I would have done anything for him if I had known what he was going through. I would have dropped everything and gone to him.
“I’m sorry, Sam. There’s a lot about how things ended that I wish I could take back. You were a good friend to me, and I acted like a child. You deserved better than that. I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you.” I look at the road in front of us through the windshield, no longer able to look at him.
“That regret goes both ways, you know?” Sam gently bumps my arm with his elbow. I lean back into the seat, allowing my headto drop against the headrest. I interlace my hands in my lap to keep from fidgeting. “I wish I had handled things differently. I suspected how you felt. I shouldn’t have sprung that news on you the way I did. It was insensitive. I’m sorry I hurt you, Kat.”
We pull up to the restaurant, and I’m grateful for the opportunity to change the subject, even if briefly.
I get out of the SUV before he can open my door for me, and Sam shoots me a teasing scowl. When I give him one back, he laughs. “Come on, menace.” He grabs my hand, and we walk into the restaurant.
Once we’ve ordered our food—brisket and cole slaw tacos for me, and a pulled pork sandwich for Sam—I look around the place. This BBQ joint has always been a favorite of mine, thanks to its casual vibes, great BBQ served on metal trays with paper liners, and fantastic drinks.
“About our conversation in the car.” Sam looks at me like he’s staring into my soul. I want to recoil afraid that he’ll see my every thought of him, but I hold his stare instead. “That is one of the reasons I wanted to have lunch before you left today.”
My attention is fixed on him, silently urging him to continue; my knee bounces slightly under the table.
“I don’t want us to go back to how things have been the last few years. I’ve missed you. I want my friend back.” Sam leans closer and places his elbows onto the table.
There’s that word again…friend. “I’d like that, too.” It comes out more guarded than I intended, and I know it’s because I’ve never wanted to just be his friend. I try to mask my tone with a smile. If afriendis the only way to have him back in my life, I’ll take it.
“Good.” His smile is evident in his tone as he sits back again. “So, I’m going to text you and call you, and you are going to text me and call me, ok?”
I nod at him, knowing he’s referencing my lack of responses to his texts and calls back in Seattle. “Yes. I’ll text and call you.”
I sip on the sweet tea the server brought me and use the moment to collect myself a little more. Even if we could be something more, right now, I need Sam as a friend. Maybe he needs me, too.
“Sooo,” I drag out the word, “are you ok? I mean, after the accident?”
“I still have a pretty bad scar across my chest,” he touches a spot along his ribs on the left side, “but otherwise, I’m good. Yeah.”
“Will you show me? The scar?”
His expression is tight as he searches my face. “Some other time.” Sensing he doesn’t want to be pushed, I drop it.
We eat our food and chat the entire time. We talk about how Charleston has changed since we were kids. We talk about hanging out over Thanksgiving weekend if he can make the trip work with his schedule. We make plans to see each other over Christmas.
Once we’re finished eating, he takes me back to my parents' house. I get out of the SUV, and Sam walks me to the door.
We stop in front of the door, and I turn to look at him, taking in his soft eyes. His body is rigid for a moment before he pulls me into a hug. He steps away sooner than I want him to. His absence makes me feel empty.
“Don’t be a stranger, Kitty Kat.” He kisses my cheek softly and then walks back to the SUV. I reach up and touch the place on my cheek where he kissed me and watch as he drives away.
Idrive back, stopping on my way out of Charleston to get gas and then to pick up takeout once I make it back to Columbia.
