“Hey, Liv.” My voice is more chipper than I feel.
“First of all, I swear I wasn’t talking to Philip. He was worried when you didn’t go to work, and he showed up at our placedemanding that I tell him where you were.” The words tumble out in a single breath.
“God, he is such a tool. I’m sorry he put you in that position.”
“Fuck, I’m so sorry he showed up at your parents’ house. What a creep! So… inquiring minds aredyingto know about a certain walk with a certain hottie by the name of Samuel Harris.” She’s overly dramatic this morning, and I hear Liv’s girlfriend, Talia, chuckle in the background.
Liv and Talia have been dating for about six months. Talia is five feet, six inches with gorgeous, dark skin and dark, curly hair. Talia’s calm demeanor is a perfect balance to Liv’s fire. I adore her.
I quickly go back into my room and close the door.I don’t want anyone to hear this conversation.I tell Liv the details of my walk and about finding Philip at my house when we got back. I even tell her about my dream, including all the more unsavory details. She is my ride or die after all.
“I don’t know how I’m going to look him in the face the next time I see him.”
“Girl, that dream sounds hot as fuck! And by fuck, I mean, why not get a little action from that man? No. Not yet. Bad timing. But maybe soon?” She’s mostly talking to herself at this point. I want to pull my hair out.
“Oh myGod, Liv! Why are you this way?” I can’t stop the borderline hysterical laugh that spills out. It feels good to laugh when everything feels so heavy.
“You fucking love me this way. Don’t try to deny it.” Liv is all sass. I run my hand down my face.
“I do love you. But my God.” I lie down on my bed and stare at the ceiling. “In all seriousness, I just don’t think I can put myself out there with him again. You know what happened last time.”
“I was serious. You know I’m a big advocate of engaging in certain activities to relieve stress.” She laughs out. I can almost see the wink she would inevitably give me if I were with her. “I know youwere really hurt, and I understand why you both might be hesitant with everything going on.” Her voice is serious now, but still gentle. “I’m just saying, it’s been a long time. That man is still single. Kat, he never got married. And, I know we haven’t talked about him much, but he asks about you every time he and I talk.”
I’ve always suspected this, but she’s never confirmed it before.
“He asks me when I think you’ll be ready to talk to him again,” Liv continues. “Maybe don’t close the door on him yet. See how things go and be open to the possibilities.”
I sigh audibly and run my fingers through my loose hair. “I just want to get through this week.” Deciding it’s best not to dwell on Sam, I change the subject. “When are you going to be here?”
“Tomorrow morning, babe!” She’s trying to sound cheerful, but I know it's a mixture of excitement and grief.
“I can’t wait to see you. God, I need you here to keep me sane. Is Talia coming with you?”
I hear the hesitance in her voice, “I’m not sure yet. Maybe?”
“How is everything going with her family?”
“It’s… going.” She groans, “It’s going to be a long process, I think. We’re trying to go slow with them. Even if I want to be anything but slow with her.”
“I’m sorry this isn’t easier, Liv.”
“Hey, I was thinking. Maybe we could have a sleepover the first couple of nights I’m there? Watch some movies and eat our weight in popcorn and licorice like we used to do?”
I don’t hesitate to respond, “yes! That would be great! We can share my bed!” I know she’s stressed about her situation with Talia’s family, and we could both use some girl time with sappy movies and good snacks.
“Well, I don’t want to inhibit a little Kat and Sam action.” She laughs out. “But seriously, it would be nice to veg out a bit and just be goofy.”
I roll my eyes, even though she can’t see me, and ignore her comment about Sam. “It means everything to me that you’ll be here. I don’t think I could go through all of this without you.”
“You know, he was like a brother to me, too. I wouldn’t miss this for anything. I’m just so sad and so sorry that this is the reason for us being back home.”
We wrap up our call, and I finally make my way downstairs to embrace the day. I’m secretly hoping Sam isn’t here. I don’t know how I’m going to face him after that dream.
I’m grateful when I spend the entire day with Mom and Dad playing cards, drinking wine, and watching old western movies on the couch. I’m even more thankful that Sam doesn't make an appearance.
Sixteen years old
I’m standing in front of the full-length mirror next to my bedroom door, staring at my reflection. I couldn’t believe it when Kevin asked me to the Homecoming dance, but here I am. And I look so pretty!
