“Fuck yeah, I do.”
I expect Memphis to refuse when I tell him we’re going back to my home. After the operation he needed to fix his knee, he’s being discharged from hospital. We’ve been here five long days. Finn is a star, getting all of Memphis’ stuff packed up. He knew Memphis wasn’t going back, and after all that has gone down, I think he’ll be leaving here soon too.
Drake called Saint for a ride home. He drove my car so Drake could drive them back in his. I thought Saint was going to lose his shit when he saw my boy. Whatever he said to Memphis brought a tiny smile to his split and bruised lips. I was grateful for that.
“Ready?” I ask after putting his seat belt on for him and dropping a kiss on his head.
“I think so,” he says quietly, his head down, looking at his lap. He’s been quiet since we left the hospital. I’m giving him as much space and time as he needs. As I pull out of the parking space, I can feel his eyes on me. “Do you think your dads will let me have the flat again, or does someone else live there now?”
I’m surprised. I hadn’t thought of him living alone. I thought we’d decided he would be coming back to mine. “It’s still empty, I believe. I think Pops is hoping you’ll be back to take it.”
“Can you ask him for me, please?”
“I’m sure he’ll be ‘round to see us as soon as we get back,” I say cheerily. I know Pops is anxious to see Memphis. “He’s desperate to check you over himself. I think Dad has done all but sit on him to keep him from racing to you.”
“No!” he practically shouts. “No, I don’t want him to see me like this.” He lowers his voice. He points to his face with the plastered arm. His red cheeks clash with his violet and yellow bruises.
“He loves you and wants to care for you. I had a battle getting him to agree to you staying at mine. It’s a good job school has finished so I can be with you.”
He looks at me with incredulity, that quickly morphs into disgust and anger. “Oh yeah, I’m so thrilled Mansbridge just to beat me half to death at a time convenient to you. What a relief it must be.” He turns his head to look out of the window as I try to scramble an apology together. It was an incredibly crass and stupid thing to say.
“I’m sorry, baby. I didn’t mean it to sound like that. I’m an idiot. Please forgive me.” I put my hand on his thigh, but he shifts, inching to the door, obviously not wanting my touch. He’s still sore, but it hurts to be rejected. My hand goes back on the steering wheel.
“I’m not sure I want to stay with you, Royal. What’s with the ‘baby’ moniker? You seem to have moved about four steps ahead of me. I’ve got a lot of thinking to do, and I want to be alone.” He snaps his head around to glare at me.
I’m speechless, completely fucking speechless. What the fuck! I thought we were on the same page. This is the first time he’s mentioned not wanting to come to my place. Or about being with me. Have I just assumed we were on the same page? Didn’t rushing to find and rescue him prove how much I wanted to be with him?
Sure, it did, but I never asked if he wanted to be with me again. I’m a fucking idiot. We’ve not driven too far out of Lincoln, so when I see a lay-by up ahead, I indicate to pull over. “I’ve obviously got this all wrong. I’m not forcing you to come back with me or for you to even be with me. So, with all that, would you rather me to take you back to Finn’s?”
He sighs heavily, pausing before he speaks. “This is why me staying with you isn’t a good idea: you’re tiptoeing around me, constantly apologising. I still don’t understand even half of what went down, why that maniac blames you for it all. Why am I the one that’s suffering for something you did and didn’t tell me about. I’m too angry, Royal. It’s not all aimed at you. I’m angry that I didn’t fight him hard enough. I’m so beyond livid with him, and I don’t trust myself to make any decisions, not at the moment. I hurt, every bone in my body is sore, and I’m tired.”
“Do you think I don’t know this? I can see how much pain you’re in, how conflicted you are. Why the fuck do you think I want to help you. To look after you so you don’t have to worry, so that you can sleep and recover.” We’re both shouting at each other as he comes back at me again.
“You want to be in charge, to be the one looking after me. That’s why you didn’t tell me you were here. You wanted to charge in, be the knight in shining armour. You thought you could get away with all of it. I thought you’d had enough of me being away, and you ignored me because you’d met someone else.” He struggles to release his seatbelt while simultaneously opening the door. I watch him hobble out, his knee even in the brace giving way when he puts weight on it, but he doesn’t fall.
I get out, slamming my door behind me. Memphis flinches, but he doesn’t want me to pander to him, so I won’t. “Fuck that shit! You chose not to trust me and picked an easy way out. I know what that bastard did to you, Memphis, and Ihate myself for it. We’re both struggling; the difference is I want to struggle through this with you. Not alone wondering how the hell you’re doing. I want to shout and cry and slam doors, too, because I’m well aware that all of this, all he did to you was provoked by me. I love you, you stubborn arsehole. I fucking love you,” I shout. “And I think you love me, too, and that scares you.”
“I love you too.” His voice barely a whisper. “And you’re right, it frightens me.”
Frightens him? How? “I don’t understand.”
“I know,” he says, only confusing me more. “But loving you means that the whole family is in the relationship too. I love your family, and they’ve done more for me than mine ever did, but you can’t even fart without someone telling everyone.”
I hold back a smile. I don’t think he’s going to appreciate me laughing. He’s got a point, though, we do like to share maybe a bit too much. “So, you tell me what you want to do. I’m getting everything wrong, so it’s up to you. I’ll get you back in the flat, I’ll keep Pops away, and I’ll stay away until you tell me.”
Memphis droops, physically droops. His shoulders slump, his head drops down, and I’m not sure if he’s going to fall. He takes a deep breath and straightens up. “Okay, thank you.”
We get back in the car and carry on towards home. We’re both quiet, but it’s not uncomfortable. I can see he’s hurting and spending over three hours is going to make him stiff and sore when we get home. I drive to Saint’s rather than my place, and while Memphis waits in the car, I go up to the flat.
Saint answers the door, looking surprised when he sees me. “What’s going on? I thought you were bringing Memphis back today. Did he have a set back?”
“No, I did. I pushed him too fast. He wants to go back to the flat, no interference from me or Pops. He wants to be leftalone by the family. So, can you let Noah spend some time with him?”
He grins. “I told you to let him work out what he wants. Learn from this, brother. Subs are never weak. They’re stronger than us. They have to be to put up with all we want.”
“Yeah, I’m getting that loud and clear. I’m going to catch up with Drake later; you coming to hear what he’s gotta say?”
“Yeah, I’m in. Let me get Noah up to speed. You can get your boy settled back in the flat. He can call Noah when he’s ready for some company.”
