I stay awake, stroking gently up and down his back as his breathing evens out in sleep. All the deliberating had been pointless. Tomorrow is another day, and I’m sure it will bring more challenges as we try to fit into our new roles.
As soon as I’m back in my apartment, I call Finn. I’m not sure where to start, because I never thought any part of yesterday and this morning would’ve taken place. God, I’m pissed off with all of it, especially Royal fucking Foster. The fucking arse.
“Hey, Finn, how’s it going?” I ask, noting how flat I sound, knowing he’ll pick up on it immediately and want an explanation before anything else can be said.
“Fuck that! Spill. How was it?” he asks, and I can tell he’s ready to jump in his car and come to me. “You don’t sound like you’ve had your arse pounded all night, add the fact that it’s early and you should be riding your new Daddy’s dick like a rodeo star, what happened?”
“Always so polite.” Even though he can’t see me, I roll my eyes.
“Don’t roll your eyes at me. Memphis MacIntosh, you’re not exactly bouncing with joy. You stayed the night, so did you argue, decide it wasn’t what you wanted?”
I pause, wondering how to explain this morning. Royal was in the shower with the door shut when I woke up, which was not what I expected. I hoped for cuddle time, more talking, maybe mutual hand or blowjobs. Instead, I pulled on my clothes and left. Everything I needed to know was in his absence.
“I don’t know. I thought it was all good; we decided we wanted to be together, to get to know each other rather than just fuck like rabbits. We shared his bed, but nothing happened. This morning, he was in the shower, door closed when I woke up.” Finn drew in a deep breath, coming to the same conclusion as me. “Yeah, my thoughts exactly. I got an Uber to my car and came home.”
Finn sighs, going quiet. I know he’s thinking before speaking. “Has he called or texted you?”
I look at my phone; the screen is blank. No missed calls, nothing. “Nope. He said he was struggling last night to get past how his feelings had gone from hate and being angry with me to wanting to fuck my brains out. I can only think he woke up this morning and decided that he couldn’t get past the, well, the past.”
“Oh, Memphis, honey, I’m so sorry. Do you want to come back here? You can have my spare room for as long as you need it.”
With a shake of my head, I tell him no. “No, I’m okay. I’m still glad to be back here. I get on well with the other brothers, and Saint’s boyfriend is cool. I see and talk to him a lot.”
“Okay, but you always have a place to stay if you need it. Who knows, maybe next time you go out, you can pick up some buff Daddy and let him pound your arse until you forget all about Royal.”
“Don’t say shit like that to me; it sounds way too painful.” I grimace, making him laugh.
“Don’t knock it ‘til you’ve tried it.” He laughs, which makes me smile.
“You sound happy, Finn. I’m thrilled for you. It’s about time you met and hung onto a good man.”
“Yeah, he’s a good man,” he says softly. “Are you going to be okay?”
“Yeah, I’ll be fine. I just wanted to vent. I’m going to get a shower, then I’ve got plenty of work to do today.”
I thought I’d feel worse than this, that Royal’s rejection would hurt more, but I’m okay. I’m disappointed, annoyed that he chose to avoid me rather than talk about his change of heart, but I’m a big boy and at least I know now. As long as we can co-exist at Bound, and I can enjoy myself there without his disapproval, and he can do the same without me feeling anything for him, then I’ll survive this.
I say goodbye to Finn as I walk to my room and into the small bathroom attached to it. I strip out of my clothes, dumping them in the hamper to wash later, and then turn on the shower. The scalding hot water pounds on top of my head and sluices down my body, and I scrub myself, removing the scent of Royal’s bed from my skin.
It hits me then, that everything I thought about him last night was wrong, that I won’t get to feel his lips running over my body the way his hands did. Or the pleasure of him showing me off at the club. I don’t want to cry over him and tip my head back, so the water washes over my face. I can pretend there are no tears being washed away.
With a heavy sigh, I turn the water off and reach out for the towel I put on top of the loo. I feel better, and when I wipe the condensation from the mirror, I can face myself without feeling any regret. It’s good we didn’t fuck; I’d feel used right now, and that’s a shitty feeling I don’t want. I grab my shaving foam and make quick work of shaving and then wash the remnants away.
I haven’t got the energy to talk to anyone. I throw on some sweats and a T- shirt and go into the living room to grab my laptop so I can work in bed.
The air around me stills when I hear footsteps loud on the polished laminate flooring. I close my eyes, because I know who it is.
“How the hell did you get in, also what the hell are you doing here?” I sneer at Royal. “You know what? I don’t care; I don’t want to hear it.”
As I pick my laptop and step past him, my heart pounds so hard I can hear the blood pumping in my ears. Why is he here? Nope, I don’t care. He hid from me his morning. I can do the same now. It’s easier to breathe once the bedroom door is closed, so I burrow under the covers, hoping he gets the message and buggers off. I hear the click of my door as it opens. Shit, he didn’t get the message. But when the door shuts again, I’m grateful he didn’t want to talk.
The covers shift, then the bed dips. I spin around and come face to face with Royal, his head on the pillow looking more perfect than I could imagine. “I don’t want you in here,” I tell him, proud that my words are strong, stronger than I feel.
“Then you shouldn’t have left my bed so quickly. I wouldn’t have to be here if you were where you’re supposed to be.” His eyes flash with something I try to decipher. It’s not anger—it’s frustration.
“Then maybe should’ve have stayed in yours until I woke up. Nothing says time to go than a shower running behind a closed door.”
“I thought I’d be done before you woke up. I couldn’t believe you’d left, not after all we’d talked about, after I spent the night wrapped around you.”
