That felt like a hundred years ago. I started typing again, hot tears streaming down my cheeks with every word.
Do you hate me?
Deleted it.
I’m sorry.
Deleted that, too. God, what was I even apologizing for?
Wanting something?
Feeling something?
Being honest?
I tossed the phone aside and curled into myself, knees up, forehead pressed to them as if I could hide from how stupid I felt. How exposed. I’d handed him a piece of myself, and he’d just… dropped it.
And the worst part—the part I couldn’t stop thinking about—was that he’d kissed me back.
Not just once.Twice.
And I didn’t imagine the way he’d held his breath. The way he touched my face. How he didn’t pull away until hechose to.
I remembered all of it.
And it felt like I was the only one who did.
By Monday morning, I’d convinced myself it would be okay.
That he’d text me back on the walk to school, or bump into me by my locker and grin as if nothing happened. Maybe he’d even make a joke about it. Laugh it off the way he always did, like the world couldn’t touch him.
I could live with that. I just wanted him to look at me again.
The first time I saw him was before homeroom. He wassurrounded by people, laughing at something one of the older boys said. His backpack was slung over one shoulder, shirt untucked, hair messy in a way that somehow made him more perfect.
I waited for him to notice me. He didn’t. I walked past him, slow enough to give him time. Still nothing. Not a glance. Not a nod. Not even that half-smile he always gave me when we locked eyes in a crowded hallway.
Nothing. Just silence, thick and impenetrable, a wall between us that made me feel invisible. By second period, I stopped pretending it was an accident.
At lunch, Dare sat at the far end of the table. He didn’t look up when I passed. Didn’t laugh when I made a joke to someone else. I caught him watching me once, but the second our eyes met, he looked away like I was a mistake he couldn’t afford to make again.
It was worse than him being cruel. He wasindifferent.
I wanted to disappear. Crawl out of my skin. Go back to the second before we kissed and choose differently.Say no. Back out. Stay safe.
Instead, I stayed quiet and swallowed it. Until gym. That’s when bad turned to worse.
We were supposed to warm up in pairs, like always. I moved toward him without thinking—three years of habit. But Dare turned away before I reached him.
Someone else paired off with him. I stood there for a full second too long, waiting for him to notice, but he didn’t.
Coach barked at me to move. I ended up with someone Ibarely knew, doing lazy stretches while my chest burned. And then came the worst part.
A girl from the party leaned in from across the gym mats and said, too loudly, “So, Tru. That kiss at Lauren’s? Was it your first?”
I froze. A couple of guys looked over. A few snickers. I felt my face go hot.
“I—uh?—”
