I don’t hear anything else, just the sound of my heart breaking further. I don’t feel Wylder’s touch, just the floor beneath my knees.
It can’t be true. It can’t be.
My butterfly wouldn’t do this.
Would he?
25
ANSEL
I can barely see the laptop screen through my tears. It doesn’t stop me from typing. My heart might be breaking, but I can’t pause. I can’t grieve. I can’t do anything aside from this.
I keep going against the cramping in my hands. Against the exhaustion pushing at my eyelids. I ignore my screaming muscles and the passing of time outside the window.
I think about nothing except the lines of code on the screen, the endless pages erupting from the printer beside me, and the address I looked up on the dark web last night to know where to take it.
I can’t focus on anything other than this. Not when it’s the only thing that might save Cade, that’ll give him a fighting chance against the Umbra Syndicate.
Leaving Cade in that alley and the dilapidated train station wasn’t something I wanted to do. My soul screamed at me to tell him the truth. To let him help me fix this.
But every time I felt myself weaken, the red light would appear. The reminder that someone was watching. That someone isalwayswatching.
It’s why I didn’t tell Cade the truth. It’s why I refused to go withWylder when he asked. Why I haven’t told Neo anything aside from the bare minimum.
And it’s why I haven’t moved from my computer since Cade left in Wylder’s car. Endless empty energy drink cans litter the space around me, with the odd protein shake mixed in. I’ve drunk whatever Neo has shoved in my direction, ignoring all of his questions, only speaking to him to check he’s doing as I’ve asked.
He is. He’s furious and frustrated with me, but he won’t let me down. Not like that.
At first, I searched for a way out of this that didn’t involve betraying Cade. That didn’t lead to anything that wouldn’t come back to hurt those he loved.
With the clock ticking down and no answer presenting itself, it left me with only one option.
The one I’m doing now.
It’s not enough to earn his forgiveness. Not after what I said. The only thing I could think of that might make Cade pause.
“Just like your father.”
Cade is nothing like that man. That I made him think so for even a split second makes me glad of what Umbra might do to me.
I deserve it for hurting him.
My mind flashes back to the state Neo found me in after that.
I stumble through my front door for the first time in weeks. I don’t know if anything has changed. My eyes are so swollen from crying that they are barely open.
I don’t care. I don’t give a fuck about anything other than keeping Cade safe.
Fuck, I hate that he didn’t just let me leave. I didn’t want to hurt him. To say those awful, toxic things to him.
Especially not after he told me he loved me.
I’ve never been loved before. Not like that, anyway. It’s just my luck that the first person I give my heart to gives his in return.
Only for me to shatter it in front of him.
I didn’t want to. God, I didn’t. I wanted to kiss him. To tell him I felt thesame. To thank him for trusting me with his heart. To vow I’d cherish and protect it always.
