Wylder grunts. “Yes, but he does what he wants. When I told him to come back with us, he said no, and frankly, he made some good points.”
I wait for him to tell me these points, but I’m pretty sure that Ansel already laid them out for me.
Wylder gives me a sympathetic smile. “It’s not the best situation, but we’ll have guards on him at all times. He won’t be able to get away easily, and he assured me that he wasn’t leaving his apartment.”
“Anyone could get in though, Wylder. That door is made of wet paper.”
“Regardless, he won’t go. And short of kidnapping him, I don’t have it in me to throw him over my shoulder and carry him out. Especially given that his friend Neo will end up poking around.”
I sigh and lean my head back. “You agreed with him…on the reason he needs to be apart from me.”
Wylder says nothing, which means that I’m right. He does agree. He thinks I went too far and too fast, too soon. But he has no idea what Ansel and I share, what we could be. It’s as clear as fucking day.
But he doesn’t want me, and so I have to let him go.
For now, at least. I can give him the forty-eight hours he asked for.
Then I’m going to make another play.
“You have to leave him be, Cade. You really upset him.”
I close my eyes, feeling a headache building behind my eyes. “I’ll try.”
“No trying,” Wylder bites out. “You must. Give him space, and I believe he’ll come back to you. He likes you, that much is true.”
“Yeah, but he doesn’t love me.”
Wylder’s silent, and that makes everything inside of me curl up and wince. Ansel must have told him as much. It’s why Wylder isn’t saying anything. He doesn’t want to hurt my feelings anymore.
When he finally does speak, it’s not about Ansel. “Let’s go home.”
My stomach twists. “I don’t know if I can leave him.”
“You have to,” Wylder says softly. “If you don’t, then you might end up pushing him away for good. The guards will send you hourly updates. We’ll keep him safe, Cade.”
It takes me a few moments to spit out the word, but eventually it comes. “Fine.”
“And you’ll behave.”
“Yeah,” I lie. I’ll try my best. But fuck, it will be hard. But I’ve been through worse, I think. Much worse.
But the farther away we get, the more space there is between Ansel and me, and I realize maybe I haven’t yet experienced this kind of pain. Because the way my heart hurts, the throbbing in my skull, the tightness in my lungs…
I think I’m drowning.
24
CADE
Wylder calls an urgent meeting. His voice rings out over the intercom because he knows I don’t have my phone with me. Really, I don’t trust myself with it.
I do nothing in response to the announcement, just continue bouncing the tennis ball I liberated from the sports shed against the wall of the panic room while listening to nineties songs on my Walkman.
That’s right. I’m in the panic room. Not because there’s any danger.
Because I’m the danger.
Right now, I’m so fucking unhinged there’s no telling what I’ll do. I don’t have much of my sanity remaining, but the little I do have made me sequester myself in here. I even got Samson to change the code so I can’t let myself out.
